+ . . [ [ :: the angel in disguise

Friday, September 30, 2005

quiz.. QuiZ.. QUIZ...!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Kissing Purity Score: 51% Pure

For you, kissing isn't a casual thing
Lip to lip action makes your heart sing

Kissing Purity Test

How You Are In Love?

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

In relationships, you tend to be a bit selfish.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

You Are 20% Boyish and 80% Girlish

Even if you're not a girl, you're very feminine.
You're in touch with your feelings, and your heart rules you.
A bit of a emotional roller coaster, one moment you're up and the next you're down.
But no matter what, you try to be as cute and perky as possible.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:22 AM

Thursday, September 29, 2005

new template

my latest design.. i designed one for ling too.. it's the same.. just that it's in different colour.. i love this design alot.. therefore.. i made a similar one for her too.. we are the black and white.. heex.. =) hope that she love it ya..

suppose to go out today.. but den.. im too tired and sick to go out.. therefore.. i stayed at home and rot and slp and rest the whole day.. not in the mood to go out anyway.. *tired..

hmm.. anyone know wher to get source code for songs? been finding for it ya.. but just cant find.. wana upload song yet there's error with the server.. *sian-half..

will be having my theory test tml.. i will pass ma? hmmMm... shall revise more later.. ahaha..

im falling in love with baobei's design.. omg.. it's so nice.. but yet not my style ya..

A little girl with eyes lost all meanings,
a smile you'd never look twice.
She plays her dampened tunes in sweet solitude,
perhaps her perfect seclusion.
Tiny fingers that once caressed her loveliest,
pressing lightly against piano keys.
In the softest voice, she sings.
Tears rolled down her cheeks,
filled with pains she no longer knew.
She's after all a girl,
a girl no one notices.

perharps.. i am also a girl.. that no one notice..

i wished for a guardian angel who will protect me from harm.. from sadness.. from tears.. but yet share my happiness.. my smile and my laugh.. i wonder.. will you really become my guardian angel..

going back to my studies.. hmmm.. be back to blog soon.. =)

Mood: moody.. a little sadness..

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:03 PM

渴望做个被爱的女人

在镜子前面
我是个被爱的女人
他就在门外
这个周末我可以依赖在他的胸怀

在情人面前
我还是单身的女人
爱若缺了缘份
我想我只能用情至深但不能太认真

为什么被爱有时却觉得悲哀
为什么我还是害怕一个人醒来
为什么相爱日子却仍然空白
为什么你走不到我的未来

让爱固定下来
我不会永远青春可爱
我的美丽要你的温柔帮我保留下来

让爱固定下来
我和你不要不要分开
我不要爱一再一再彩排
我不是每次失恋后都能重新再来

我应该让爱固定下来吗?
我渴望做个被爱的女人!

ANGEL_scribbled * -9:11 PM

Sarah McLachlan - Angel

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the Angel
Far away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie

In the arms of the Angel
May you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the Angel
May you find some comfort here

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:11 AM

extracted from jessica's blog:

Right from the start I knew it
Loving you is never gonna be easy

It never is...
It will never be...?

I hope it will be in future
Will it or will it not?

I've gotta accept and understand alot of things
I know I won't be like others...

This certainly isn't the kind of relationship I want
Yet ironically I still landed myself in it...

Some say no similar interest is not a problem
Because we can try each other's interests and there will be...

But what if we are totally from 2 different worlds?
What if our thinking are so so so different?

That is why loving you is never easy
I always remind myself to understand...

Yet in the process
I wish for...

I can only wish ~

--

I remember what the movie "Love on the rocks" mentioned...

A love relationship is like dancing waltz. We don't follow the momentum of the music, or else the steps will get messed up. Neither do we follow the other party's momentum, nor just go on with our own momentum. There must be an even mix... both gotta follow the other party's momentum to a certain level, yet not losing their own momentum.

Many people said it is a blessing to have 2 person truly loving each other. But is it really a blessing?

I suppose.. it's an unseen blessing.. knowing that someone out there love you they way you love them..

sometimes.. like what i mentioned before.. "love" isnt the only content in a relationship.. i alwayz believe that if you truly love, everything can be overcome.. but yet.. nothing is always possible.. nothing is always perfect..

loving a person from a different world is never easy.. yet we alway fall for such a person..

it isnt miserable.. it isnt sad.. i promised not to be sad anymore.. i promised not to cry anymore.. i promised.. and i'll do it..

holiday is ending.. 4 weeks.. fast isnt it? quite reluctant to attend school.. but yet.. it's the last sem.. 16 weeks.. and it's OVER!! i dun have to see ppl who i dun wish to see.. i dun have to tolerate those comments from ppl who duno me.. i dun have to wake up in the early morning and listen to craps from lecturers.. i dun have to do anymore quiz.. i dun have to do anymore RJ or evaluation.. i dun have projects to do.. i dun have test to study.. i dun have results to receive..

this indicate.. im graduating.. FAST isnt it? this also indicate.. im going out to work soon..... this also indicate.. someone... is going to serve NS soon... and it also indicate.... we dun have much time for each other ya.. right? anyway.. he also dun have time for me.. he is busy with his studies ya.. hMmmm..

just read ling's blog.. opps.. remind me of my bday is coming.. hmmMmm....

we celebrated xiaomei's bday yest.. had a big steamboat feast.. yummy.. they keep cooking food for me.. and i keep passing the food they gave me to xiaomei.. ahaha.. i have not much appetite ya.. i think yest is xiaomei's lucky day sia.. she won in every round of mahjong sia.. GOODIE.. =) her bday's ang baos sia.. ahaha..

by the way.. i won in mahjong too.. coz it's my bday too.. but it's my chinese bday.. my mum actually remind me to eat eggs or mee suan.. obviously.. i dun like mee suan.. so i choose to eat egg la.. and in the end.. i ate around 5 eggs yest.. 2 in the morning as baby prepared for me.. 3 in the evening as zhijian, nicholas and xiaomei made for me.. ahaha..

had not been slping well recently.. stress over something.. which i never gonna figure out what am i stressing about.. been having nightmare and terrible dream.. i wish.. i pray.. it will never ever happen!!

my Guardian Angel blessed me to have a sweet dream today.. and i really wish that i will sleep well and have a sweet sweet dream.. - i miss you a lot..

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:13 AM

Sunday, September 25, 2005

渴望被爱。。

我不会在伤心了。。
我不会再哭了。。
我会学着等待。。

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:17 PM

im tired..

worked for the pass 2 night.. feeling a bit tired.. trying hard to get to sleep.. but yet.. i cant slp.. even when i had fallen asleep.. i will be awake by nightmare.. why my mind and brain just cant rest? - retarded!

went out with jian bao last wed.. it was a pleasant outing.. realised that we grow up le.. no longer that 18 years old gal anymore.. and no longer tat 20 years old guy anymore.. it was a sweet gathering.. =)

his words are encouraging.. really.. he encourage me to go for my dream.. he also encourage me to be myself..

this holiday really made me reflect.. i alwayz wonder.. do i need to change myself in order to be "the one" that my "friends" like?

i dun think so.. i still stick to the same.. be myself.. i dun wan to change bcoz of others or any evil comments they gave..

true friends please stay.. i dun mind having breakfast alone.. dun mind going home alone.. dun mind going shopping alone.. dun mind being online alone.. i can learn to be alone and independent.. but yet.. i yearn to have someone by my side..

ANGEL_scribbled * -9:28 PM

Friday, September 23, 2005

difficult to love..

find it difficult to love me?

im wondering..

as what other's told me.. people who will fall for me either know me for very long or people who is very close to me..

i admit im a girl that is hard to understand.. and as mention.. with straight forward character.. it's hard for anyone to love me.. ahaha.. weird isnt it?

someone "confess" to me recently.. and is someone quite close to me.. i knew it all along.. but yet i choose to "aviod" it.. i alwayz believe that there's pure friendship between guys and girls.. but yet.. hMmmm.. they proved me wrong?

he is a very nice guy frenz of mine who i can tok to heart to heart... and being with him.. i wun be shy to say out how i feel.. the feeling of comfortable.. but yet.. as A FRENZ.. i never wish and think of anything further.. all i wish was just plain friendship.. but he wished and hope that I will have some feeling towards him at least... some hope.. a ray of light... for me.. obviously, it's not love... yet a bond tat i never wana break it...

"if u like a person.. there will ALWAYS be hope... n things can happen.. created.. coz the seed is planted.. whether it survies or grow into anything.. tats a different story... but as long as the seed is not planted.. there will nv ever be any hope"

i dun feel at all.. there's no love in it at all.. i only.. treat him as a good buddy of mine..

"thanks..i guess tats my consolation prize bah... i can onli look to the winner wif envy frm afar.."

i wonder who will be the winner for him to envy.. i cant deny the fact tat i wun be a good or perfect girlfriend.. i admit tat it wun be 100% happiness being with me.. but yet.. he alwayz has his reason to defend himself..

"when u truly like someone... it doesnt matter how gd or how great the person is... coz tat person will always be perfect in your eyes.."

i wonder.. am i perfect to you?

"life is short.. n unpredictable... u nv noe wats going to happen next.. if i dun say it out... i may not get the chance to le.. sometimes.. we think there is still time.. but many times.. time always seem 2 be 1 step ahead of u.. n we spent the rest of our life in regret.."

sometimes.. when you demand more from a person.. the harder you will create any miracle.. sometimes.. even if the one you love doesnt love you, be content tat at least she/he is still your friend.. still the one who wun leave you.. still the one being there for you when you need him/her..

i dun demand anything.. but yet hoping for miracle.. i wun demand any changes.. but yet.. wana be with me.. there will sure be changes to make..

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:35 AM

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

i din sleep last nite.. was at hougang the whole night.. stay awake and when for breakfast at kovan market.. was surprise that.. the uncle still recognise me.. ahaha..

the route to the "bus terminal".. the pathway to tution center.. hmmm.. mac.. heartland mall.. the lift to the old "popular" or "arcade".. ahaha.. memories flash back.. this proved that i really enjoyed my days in tution class or in secondary school.. i remembered almost all the incident that took place there..

the kfc.. my fav. whip potato.. the "used to be" neoprint machine.. there's oso a "used to be" fortune telling machine..

took a cab home from kovan.. i nearly cried.. the memories of my past... the things that i missed.. person that i missed.. promises that are broken.. friends that have lost contact with..

i never knew that *you will affect me so much.. i never knew that i will actually cry coz i miss *you so much.. i never knew that im the one obstructing myself to be with *you.. i never knew it from the start.. im not thinking too much.. im thinking a lot.. a lot.. a lot... *sAd*

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:04 PM

i made a mistake in creating my blog.. the word "unhappy" exist so many times in my life..

unhappy when there's quarrel..

unhappy when things aint going my way..

unhappy when i throw temper..

unhappy when i listen to certain song..

unhappy about somebody..

unhappy when something disappoint me..

unhappy when someone is so wanted to be someone yet they cant be together..

unhappy when someone neglect me..

unhappy when i lost in mahjong..

unhappy when i cant get to sleep..

unhappy when i accidently hurt myself..

unhappy.. unhappy.. unhappy..

there're so many "unhappy"...

what's there for me to be happy about..

download this song is nice..

i fixed the date coz it's your off day.. im not sad.. im not disappointed.. im not angry.. im just........ why did i mind so much den?

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:33 AM

Monday, September 19, 2005

specially for jove's baby... [that ben dan of jove.. =x OPPS!]

heyo.. surprise?? heex.. was reading your post.. just somehow wana tok some "crap" to you bah.. heex.. [i assume that im trying to console alright?]

ex... is part of anyones' life.. including me and you.. nevertheless.. jove.. im a very straight forward person.. even when i noe maybe you might mind me addressing jove as my bao bei.. ahaha.. i still do so.. there's nothing wrong about it isnt it?

i understand the pain you felt.. and the amount of tears you drop.. im once similar to you too.. maybe you duno about my past.. but trust me.. it much much worse than seeing those mails..

jealousy is part of ones' life.. at times.. i felt that too.. it's the feeling of insecure that makes you felt that way bah.. though there's nothing happening.. yet due to the amount of love you put into the relationship.. it make you feel so hurt upon reading the mail..

but alwayz bear that in mind that.. you are the one being with your love one know.. not any of his ex.. so why bother about the past isnt it? the past made you upset.. yet you are curious about. wat for make yourself so miserable lei?

hmMmm.. think it this way den.. when jove know about your past... will she feel the same way? can see that both of you cherish and really love each other lots.. therefore.. what you two need is the mutual trust in a relationship.. the past is the history.. dun be bothered by it alright.. =) everything will turn out fine and nice and lasting de.. trust me.. once my bao bei fall deep deep into a relationship.. she will be ther like some super glue that is stuck to you.. OPPS.. =x

anyway.. just some.. hmmm.. thoughts that i thought of la.. heex.. =)

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:37 AM

Saturday, September 17, 2005

tired!

yawnz.. bear with me.. im quite tired though.. stomach aching lyk nobody business.. yuCk.. hate tis feeling.. hmpf...

alright.. my darling mei.. im missing you so much.. pls pls.. we gonna meet alright? next tue pls arrange sometime for me.. if not you are going to forget about my look, my figure, and my dressing le.. ahaha.. sound so kua zhang.. oPps.. =x

anyway.. went for sun tanning on wed.. hmm.. sun isnt strong enough to tan me.. wat a waste.. shall go again with my bikini.. ahaha.. i haven got myself one.. how sad!! ahaha..

holiday is boring isnt it? i spent my whole day sleeping today.. and the half of the night working.. the other half.. im still thinking.. to sleep or watch vcd.. tired yet i dun feel lyk sleeping.. heex.. how?

work again tml.. hmMmmm.. shall really consider about sleeping ar...

anyway.. really felt very very very very uncomfortable just now.. coz im not feeling well.. i din eat for the whole day.. and it was the first day of auntie visit.. so.. feeling veri giddy and just dun have the appetite to eat anything.. the smell of food make me wana vomit sia.. sob sob.. there's this point of time.. i nearly fainted.. that's why i took a rest behind.. duH~ duno wat's happening.. bcoz i din eat? or bcoz i dun have enough blood.. =x!! im not on diet.. pls.. i just dun hv the appetite to eat... sObz...

so now.. wat shld i do? chat with my frenz on msn? vcd? slp? thinking........?? hmmMmm...

wana submit in the dv competition form.. but i haven print it out yet.. shld i submit thru post or hand it in?

shall end here den.. and continue to think wat shld i do next.. ahaha.. =x

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:40 AM

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

actually... i felt quite reluctant to create a new blog.. but just used to blog le bah.. hopefully.. this blog will just be a private one between my close friends and i.. =)

hmmm.. a lot of thing had happened.. hmmm.. i dun wish to explain further.. just feel that.. i am myself.. and i would change due to anything. though i noe being straight forward is not very right and sometimes it's quite hurtful to others.. but den.. tat's me right? maybe i will be more careful with my words in future.. but den.. izzit it more fake to "be careful"? hmm.. contridicting.. but i noe.. i have to.. "beware" of my words.. ahaha.. right jessica?

heex.. enjoyed these few days a lot.. other den spenting tons of time in school editing the video.. i oso spent a lot of time playing mahjong and watching vcd... when troubles comes.. you will alwayz get to see who is your close and true friends bah.. i agree that some can really have fun together and also be sad together.. but some.. just can play together yet when trouble comes, all are gone.. this is life isnt it? and everyone gotta accept it..

aiyo.. i just read kelly's blog.. my goosebump standing up liao sia.. she and jove ar.. ahaha.. cold cold.. but den.. really ya.. it's great to see bao bei with her beloved gal again.. coz it's been some times ever since she last attached right? =)

about jessica's blog.. well.. it's true that everyone has expectation for each other.. just like what she said.. someone hopes that someone can treat him or her in whichever way, and when the other person can't, this someone will get upset or frustrated or whatever. nobody is perfect.. but yet everyone expect to know and be a perfect person.. i noe im imperfect.. SO? i may have billard table size of leg.. i might have super big boob that other's dun have.. i might be taller than someone.. i might be heavier than anyone.. but so? im still me right? im still myself isnt it?

at first im quite affected.. but yet after much thoughts.. i realised.. why must i be affected by those comment? why must i be unhappy over those untrue tag? even though i mind so much about how other's comment about me.. but im still me.. why should i change for other's? i would not be negative.. i will just treat it as they duno me well enough.. like i never noe they can be so mean too right?

a new blog.. a new start.. perharps.. a new beginning of a new me? at least.. i would not be so sad over stupid things again.. we aint pri or sec sch kid anymore.. nothing such as i friend or dun friend you.. true friends are worth to make.. but if those who like to stab around.. what for? and duh... i never refer to anyone.. dun assume..... =)

somehow tok to meizhen on the way to mrt station.. we shared some views on friendship.. maybe in the first place.. i dun mind so much about being left out.. things would not be this way? hmmm.. actually.. at certain point.. i just need to tok to someone yet they aint free for me.. the only thing to do is blog on my OWN blog isnt it? im not trying to show that im so pity.. it's just at tat point of time how i feel and how i wish to blog out.. yet.. why must assume on what i blog out? why blog in the first placE? somewher to vent anger? somewher to share happiness? somewher to hide the other side of you? somewher to type out ur unhappiness... isnt it? if i cant blog out how i feel.. den wat for i blog?

anyway.. finally vent out my "anger".. ahaha.. not really anger bah.. just some mixed feelings that maybe those who understand me will noe? by the way.. really thanks those who are beside me all along.. especially baby.. my darling mei.. my sunzi oso.. and of coz.. jessica and meizhen.. =)

after all.. im not tat easy to understand isnt it? ahaha..

well.. going to continue my vcd soon.. weehee.. =)

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:07 AM