+ . . [ [ :: the angel in disguise

Sunday, April 29, 2007

away~

im leaving sg in 3 hours time..

hopefully.. it's a fruitful trip. for me to reflect and relax. some peace that i need perharps?

i just replied someone.. there's always no reason towards LOVE. no why to stay on. no why to love. no why to give in. no why to give up. tired isnt it? to find a reason in everything we do.

in the past.. i wished so much to know what the reason is.. for giving me up. for leaving me alone. for making me cry. for hurting me. now.. i would not search for the reason. after all.. the reason gonna hurt again..

the reason... is it so important?

or myself.. choose to bluff myself?

without knowing the reason.. i can assume that you left is coz you got no choice. i can assume this and that. and i would not blame you. is this... bluffing myself...? creating a lie.. for me to continue holding on..

cried enough. sad enough. but yet... i still duno wat's the next move.

holding on still... pathetic.. -_-

ANGEL_scribbled * -4:22 AM

Saturday, April 21, 2007

i really.. thanks those who love and care for me.

thanks darling mei, though we din really have the chance to talk much about it. But just wana you to know, I still cherish and love you as much as before. Sorry to worry you at times. But i guess, I will be fine. =)

thanks sun zi. well.. busy sunzi got no time for ah ma. but regardless of your busy project and homework, you still intiated to call me. love ya.

thanks lao gong. looking forward to our trip. thanks for accompany me when I am down. though you din know I am down, but still you can sense it. haha. what to do, my dearest dear laogong ma. haha. I know what to do. and I know what is right and best for me. no worries k? =) love you lots too. muAckz.

thanks adrian di. silly one. your jie is strong la. no worries k? haha. thanks for cheering me up by your silly video clips. it's funny than. and im not emo.. just need time to make some adjustment. just need some time for myself..

thanks andrew kor. you knew it all along that I am a strong little gal before. Nevertheless, Im still the strong lady now. I will go the way I want. I will.. =)

I got a lot to say.. but just not to blog it out. Well, when I meet you personally.. I will den say it all. alright?

lao da and lao san in thailand now!! SOB.. i also wana go...~!~!~!~!

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:23 AM

Monday, April 16, 2007

i wana be and act as a grown up..
but apparently, i cant.

another night of crying.
another night of miserable and heartaching.

if moving on is so easy..
i wun try so hard till the extend of
tired of trying so hard.

if you will to ever understand how i feel
and what i want.

sometimes, i wonder.
i din do anything wrong. din bring hurt to anyone.
din cause anyone to get killed.
din let their heart break into pieces that it cant be cure.

so.. am i suppose to deserve all this?

regardless of whoever.
the 3 that i once loved and cherish.
in the end.. im still the one..
crying here and..
feeling so painful.

my heart will take another YEARS to recover.
but i doubt.. it will ever recover.

im tired of all this..
if i could act childish and forgo all..

i think i will not be here anymore.

but... do i deserve this?

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:48 AM

Saturday, April 14, 2007

If the hero never comes to you
If you need someone you"re feeling blue
If you"re away from love and you"re alone
If you call your friends and nobody"s home

You can run away but you can"t hide
Through a storm and through a lonely night
Then I show you there"s a destiny
The best things in life
They're free

But if you wanna cry
Cry on my shoulder
If you need someone who cares for you
If you"re feeling sad your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do

If your sky is grey oh let me know
There's a place in heaven where we"ll go
If heaven is a million years away
Oh just call me and I make your day

When the nights are getting cold and blue
When the days are getting hard for you
I will always stay here by your side
I promise you I"ll never hide

What real love can do
What real love can do
What love can do
What love can do
love can do

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:43 PM

thanks for whoever that cares.

im alright.

i just need to be alone. i will cry. i will be sad. i will fall sick. i will vent my anger.

i have not say anything to anyone yet. dun ask me anything. i will say it when i wun cry while saying.

for "ALL FOR MY GOOD", i will learn to accept and grow up. I will be independent. i will be strong. i will leave. i will be alone. i will not rely anymore. i will learn to move on.

i will......

i will take good care of myself. i will start to force myself in eating. i will try not to vomit everything out. i will not blame anyone. i will not be stubborn. i will not be unreasonable. i will not be hurting myself.

if everything gonna be so easy... i will not be left alone here crying..

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:46 PM

Friday, April 13, 2007

lao da. im waiting for you to get me an elephant frm thailand. =)

i think that's it ya.

been surviving myself by medical. it doesnt work at all. it still hurts so much. regardless of heart or gastric. both hurts.

my medincine is running out. i got to replace it by normal painkiller.

enough said. i need some rest now. im too tired to even think about it.

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:14 AM