+ . . [ [ :: the angel in disguise

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

hypertatic maine... CANT SLP AGAIN!
wondering how my eye bag gonna be again. *YAWN

not gonna writing anything profound today.

SIMPLY,
Im tired le.

ANGEL_scribbled * -4:25 AM

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

It's always not very nice to hear from others instead of your partner.
Well..
It's doesn't feel good either to know it and realise how silly love can be.

Disappointment once filled me.
I know it's the past and shld not be bothered.
It's just... dun feel good thou.

Whether or not it's a simple lie to a serious lie, it's still lie.
Im guilty of my lies.
Wondering my lies need how many excuses to cover?
And wondering did i ever reason out to demand for an answer from you?

Trust is important, but once trust is lost, it require a long time to build up again.
Reflect life as a mirror. Look at yourself first before looking upon others.
Im looking upon myself now.

I may not be a perfect gal for you.
I may not be a wonderful gal for you.
I may be demanding.
I may have attitude problem.

Apologise due to my stubborness that lead everything to turn out this way.
Maybe I never once truly loved before.

I always choose to remain silent but yet this silent slaps me hard.
I always choose to believe still coz the belief of love ones will nv bring hurt to me.
Yet due to this belief.. it slap me hard and it hurts once again.

Again, be it den. Im a 'cannot be bothered' person to anyone.
Mind me for my attitude.
Im slapping myself awake.
I am the cause for the misery and I shall be the one that end this misery.
Dishearted is the word to use.

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:17 AM

Saturday, April 26, 2008

You told me on the day that you left me
To take real good care of myself
But it's so hard to do
If I can't have you here to hold me
When I want nobody else

When am I going to get over you
And stop living in the past
When am I going to get over you
When my pour heart beats it's last
Soon you'll wake me and you'll say I've been dreaming
I'll just have to wait 'til then
Till my time here is done
And the Angels come to take me
Then I'll be with you again

Someday I may love again
But you'll be with me here and there
When my pour heart beats it's last
You told me on the day that you left me

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:52 AM

Friday, April 25, 2008

anyone bothered when she's left crying alone?
or perharps..
anyone noticed when she's tearing?

the artificial smile hides the inner part of her.
typical girl wasn't she?

holding on to the promises aint hard
yet, people still loves breaking promises.
in the beginning, why promises were made when it's meant to be empty promises?

promises are meant to be kept when two become one,
but when two become two,
promises turned out to be meaningless?

promises are made for a meaning?
meaning to 'expect'?
or to else other...
it's just unconditional promises?

contridicting human thinking.
never ever she will get it right.

ANGEL_scribbled * -5:39 PM

unwell.

in pain. feeling terrible.

argh. =(

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:20 AM

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Lost in love

Never look back and say I wish I had.

A offer B yet B reject. Therefore, the offer goes back to A.

Endless blaming, pin pointing, assuming and lies, I'll reject the comment and reject the feeling for not getting affected. Learning to be ABC too. =)

Willpower is the word.

Belief in love is lost.
I wish I can start to believe again.

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:59 AM

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Yesterday - The Past Tense

I just cant believe your gone
Still waiting for morning to come
When I see if the sun will rise, in the way that your by my side
Well we got so much in store
Tell me what is it im reaching for
When were through building memories ill hold yesterday in my heart
In my heart

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we never play
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

You always choose to stay
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds, or least where the story goes
I never believed until now
I know il see you again im sure
No its not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day one more smile on your face
But they cant take yesterday

I thought our days would last forever
But it wasnt our destiny
Cause in my mind we had so much time, but I was so wrong
No I can believe that
I can still find the strength in the moments we made
Im looking back on yesterday

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:01 AM

Monday, April 21, 2008

CLSW cursed JC badly.

i slap you for pissing off at me.
i slap you for accusing me for something i din even bother to think.
i slap you for saying me.
i slap slap slap you!

say sorry quick!

ANGEL_scribbled * -5:24 PM

Friday, April 18, 2008

JC, loves!

i think im being cursed by you.

why?
im cursed by your unconditional love.
appreciating in everything you did for me.
thankful for standing by my side to console me.
content for your pampering and love.

thanks for not expecting anything from me.
thanks for not leaving me alone.

it's hard to accept a gal you love still loving another person. it's even harder to stay by her side though her heart doesnt belongs to you alone.

still... you're there to wipe the tears away.
still... you're there to love her.
still... you're there to pamper her.

i state it in the beginning that i would need a very long time to recover. it will be a long period of time. i wouldnt wana lead you on neither will i ask anyone to wait for me. coz... i dun even know how long will i take to recover. i apologize for unable to commit anything to you. im sorry to cry in front of you though i know you wun feel good. im sorry to disappoint you all the time by telling you i still love her.

i know it hurt you a lot of time when i cried for her.
i know how hard it is to stay strong for me to lean on.
i admire your determination for staying strong.

i wun ask worth it anot. i wun ask you to stay or leave.
in love, decision is on your own hand. it's only for yourself to define. =)

nevertheless... i really really... appreciate every single thing you did.
LOVES!

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:41 AM

yes. i used to cover my mistake with excuses.
yes. i used to define myself to be the only person that's right.

know me now. understand me now. dun stay put at the impression of the past me.

choosing not to clarify doesnt mean i accepted whatever said.
choosing to continue this silent doesnt mean im at fault.

am i worth holding on or am i worth being with is for you to define. you cant deny the fact that we went thru so much. you cant deny the fact that we suffered a lot. i made my stand clear, be it down point, im still there for you. i din ever leave you nor dump you aside coz of materials. i din even have the thought before for leaving you coz you cant provide me with whatever i want.

you can fault me for everything. you can take away everyone beside me. i said i'll take it.

dun fault me for texting you previously. im just being truthful to my heart. i make it a point to indicate that i still love you. i dun regret and everyone knows. i din hide and find excuses to cover. from everything i did, i said, i text, i just phrase it to tell you, i still love you.

you told me,
the day im attached, is the day you let go.
the day i love someone else, is the day everything ended.

i seek the assurance you 'wanted' to give for loving me still. you told me coz got gf le so cant do anything for me. i duno what you're thinking. duno how you're feeling. duno what you want from me, so i keep questioning. you cant ans me, cant conclude to me. i always choose to believe you wanted to tell me, you still love me but yet you cant be with me. you couldnt give me any assurance. so.. i had my last stand on the deadline i set.

if it's easy to let go, there will not be holding on.
if i choose to leave, i would've left long ago.
coz of loving you, i'll be alone still.
coz of loving you, i'll choose to bear this silently.
this love ends for you, not yet for me.
till the day.. i find myself loving you no more, i'll den be ready for another relationship.

for the time being.. allow me to recover. let the love fade.
require a long long time.
- hibernating.

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:05 AM

Saturday, April 12, 2008

i remain as who i am.
yet..
she left.
leaving only the memories.

stay strong.
will move on.

enough of crying.
enough of bitching.

never be stubborn in love,
coz you will lose the one you love.

never step into a relationship
when the one in your heart
has not left you.

never bring misery to your only love,
coz she's feeling very painful now.

if she only knew...
listen and look thru the heart of her only love.

she's still the same,
the only angel you ever knew.

ANGEL_scribbled * -7:10 PM

Thursday, April 10, 2008

if this is the day...

i would tell you how much i love you.
i would tell you how much i need you.
i would tell you how much i miss you.
i would tell you how much everyone envy you.
i would tell you how much you mean to me.

if only this is the day...

the surprise plan will go on.
we will be the most xingfu couple.

you cant give me any assurance.
but i give you my assurance. =)

i made myself clear where my heart belong.
you can push me to anyone and assume im doing well.

BUT STILL HAVE TO SAY:
charmaine lim sw loves kriz huang xz.
charmaine lim sw miss kriz huang xz.

mean it. i said it.
whatever happens in future... i shant have anymore regrets.

stay strong maine. =)

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:35 AM

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

just parted.. but starting to miss.
missing my vitamins provider.

=)

loves.

it's hard to tolerate my rubbish, but you did. thanks baobei for treating me well.
muaCkz...

i din emo today just felt content.

content tat we can talk as per normal. content tat we wished each other to be happy. i know to be 'really' happy, might be impossible now. but i believe your gf is doing a good job to make you smile and happy.

content too.

learning to cherish the one before your eyes. learning to cherish the one who pamper me. learning to cherish the one who love me for who i am. learning to cherish the one who cherish me. learning to cherish the one doing a good job now to make me smile and happy.

learning to keep everything deep down.
learning to grow up without you beside me.
learning not to cry anymore.
every time i cry.. i wipe my tears and tell myself to be strong.
till the day... i stop crying.. i will remain strong.
remain my smile. and remain the 'baby' you always want me to be.
smile with my sweetest smile.
=)

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:04 AM

Sunday, April 06, 2008

in need of vitamins.

sorry.. im mad again? emo queen har?

need some medication i think. vitamins pls... ahem! =P

i guess i gonna make someone emo again bcoz of me this emo queen. i said before.. i blog whatever i feel like blogging at the very point of time, so dun fault me. =)

supposed to celebrate jasper's bday yest but somethings crop up and the celebration was called off. while.. she wasnt feeling good i believe..

so baobei and i decided to go over to look for her. slack around and at least someone to accompany her. met and pool at jurong east. slacker day. all of us wear until super lok kok. haha.

im the curse to them as usual. curse them to lost lost lost. =P

learnt a lot of things while chatting.. diaoz.. okie.. i admit myself being the silly one la. HAHA! being scolded and scolded and scolded by so many close one.. yet.. i still choose to just SHUT UP.

feasting is wondering. LOVE feasting with amy, xx, baobei and yun. haha. yun damn funny la.. alright.. i duno how to describe!! just... LOL.

thanks baobei for accompanying me. thanks for not allowing me to emo myself. thanks for the shoulder to cry on. thanks for allowing me to cry. thanks for making me laugh. thanks for everything you did. i cant commit and wun commit now. so im sorry that i might disappoint you or hurt you in one way or another.... =)

by the way.. you owe me 16 anythings!!!

haven slp from yest till now due to emo-ing. tired but cant slp. my eyes are swollen. shall rest my eyes a little ba. zzZzzz. hibernation.

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:27 PM

stress.

im stress.

stress with work.
stress with sch.
stress with family.
stress with time.
stress with money.

alright. i felt BROKE out of the sudden. the numbers of bills that i need to pay. the amt of money contribute to family. the needs of paying my sch fees. the expenses needed for daily life.

funny isnt it? charmaine.. the very first time.. i tell myself im broke and i need to cut down on entertainment.

i recall.. you telling me.. when you start earning, you will give me allowance. where got?

where are you when i needed help? you aint around.
where are you when im down? you aint around.
where are you when i needed support? you aint around again.

why aint around when i needed you so much?
and
why did i go thru so much when you needed me so much?

ARGH!!!
im really tired and feeling stress!!

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:07 PM

Thursday, April 03, 2008

follow the heart. not what I see. i believe in the promises made and hold tight to whatever you once commit.

choosing to believe in what you see, it's your choice. but you ain't the only one suffering by wearing a mask in front of everyone.

you changed everything. you changed the person beside you. you told her harshly that you no longer love her. you told her to move on. you told her to let go. she listen. you are unaware how hurtful she is, you are unaware how painful she is. you left her all alone without anyone adoring her. you left her all by herself crying. you told her you cant do anything for her. she accepted and bear everything quietly.

no longer complaining nor pestering you coz you told her you are xingfu and happy now. what do you want her to do den?

shld she shut herself up again like how she did before? shld she just leave everyones care aside and cling on to the pain and die herself?

isnt it the right way to say so... for the feelings to be kept inside? or shld she express herself again and be harshly say by you again? somethings are not meant to be said. somethings are just meant to be kept. she chose not to say anything coz you told her it's pointless. she chose to show you her smile coz you want her to be happy.

though she hope you say and explain how you truly feel about her, but she understand you too well that you wun say. yes. too tired to say and that's why both chose to let it go, remain slient and run away.

if running away will dissolve the love, than it's not true love. her love remains and she believes yours' too. could you ensure her belief?

she felt so much that you are missing her lots and is deeply in love with her.. but she cant ensure that the msg is for her. do you wana be truthful to her it's up to your choice. she's no longer hiding anything at all to anyone... coz everyone knows how she feels..

missing you lots and loving you deeply still. `babyAngel-

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:20 AM