+ . . [ [ :: the angel in disguise

Monday, January 30, 2006

my cny... is not interesting at all.

part of me.. aint in the mood for cny...

-
-
-
-
-
-

Reading through your blog over and over again.

im....... left with no words.. but tears.

i said.. i wun cry or be sad le.. but the more i read about the past, tears just roll down without me realising.

i never mean to pressurise you. i have my own fyp to stress about too. den since when will i pressurise you?

the one that like messaging me, the one that wana know how am i everyday, the one that like to call me, the one that call me just bcoz he miss my voice, the one that become so silly in front of me, the one that love to see me smile.....

but why am i seeing the one becoming the reason of my tears?

when im not running away.. you ran away from me. leaving me all alone here knowing nothing.. and duno what to do.

what am i suppose to do?

and now i realise.. how miserable waiting for an answer can be.

be it...... im once deeply hurt coz i miss the fate that im suppose to have.. and be with someone that i should not be with.

just bcoz both of us run away from fate in the past... and we seem to be running away from the fate again....

or.. im not as important to you anymore?
or.. there's another person appearing?
or..
or...
or....??

错过那一次幸福的机会

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:29 AM

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Playing - 我比想象中爱你

everyone indulge themselves in the past.

no one look ahead for the future.

hOw?

我也好怀念过去。

i wana remain as a baby. forever and ever being love and care by dad, mum, grandma, grandpa and relative. i dun wana grow up.

the grown-up are too complicated to handle.

im not going to blog for the time being due to some factors. wana noe how im doing, tag or msn or sms me.

take care everyone. =)

bye bye.

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:01 PM

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Playing - Kiss Goodbye

tired.

in sch editing fyp as usual.

im late for driving prac today. lucky bbdc is near to my place. i dun need much time to travel there. fell down when im rushing to take my lesson lor. so pai seh can. in front of everyone. but lucky, there's not much ppl at tat time. haha. i passed my stage 1 le. and i will be taking stage 2 next week. yeah.

mummy fetch me home after prac. im super tired but i still need to rush to sch for fyp. dun even have the time to eat with my mummy sia. my dearest mummy fetch me to school and i can save some time on taking bus. heex.

finished 90% of fyp le. left with the music and posting it on the website. everyone will be able to view the website once it's posted. scary sia. -_-

i wana go play with the recording system le. haha.

i miss you.

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:47 PM

sorry. i tink im the one pressuring you. sorry.

so i promise. i would not be sad. i would not cry.

until the day, you know what you wana do. =)

i dun wan history to repeat. where we let each other slip away again.

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:19 AM

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

took a train home.

tired. very tired.

while walking to redhill, i recall *you sending gal home.

on the train, i recall how silly you were to take a train back to outram just to see me for awhile.

how we bump into each other at outram without planning to meet. actually i reached there long before you reach but i purposely miss 2 train so tat's how i will bump into you.

at dover stop, i look across another platform, searching for you, but you are not there. at jurong east, i recall you let me listen to your md. listening to the delication. at bukit batok, walking to the bus stop for my bus. how you tease me and make fun of me. the overhead bridge we took. the squeezy 176 we took. the traffic light we cross. the pathway back to my hse. the lift tat we anyhow press. the hse where you send me back.

i walked the same route home today. alone walking in the rain. mp3 replaying the delication and the song. fell aslp on the sofa with the drench clothes. im tired.

woke up and dad brought us out to eat. i realised.. i din have any breakfast and lunch. surprisingly, no gastric pain or i din even realise? ate my dinner but i vomit everything out. my dearest darling mei, dun fall sick.. im falling sick too. get well soon. and pull me up.

finally get to know wat you are thinking. wat's the cause of everything. sorry to pressurise you. sorry for not being good enough. sorry for letting you lose confidence. sorry for not being perfect. sorry for not being the one you want me to be. sorry for not being the miss right you wish for. sorry. sorry. sorry.

you said our new year wish is the same. is it true? if so, why are tears rolling down from my cheek? im not afraid of getting hurt. i dun wan history to repeat. i rather you are the one hurting me den the others. at least, im allowing you to hurt me. let's wait till you have a conclusion den. take your time bah.

still, tired.

im very tired.

very tired.

kiss goodbye.

ANGEL_scribbled * -9:47 PM

i promised myself to be strong but tears still roll. i promised myself not to get affected but my grade shows. i promised myself to rely on myself but im tired to do so. i promised myself to study hard for the last sem but everything gone out of control. i promised myself not to miss you but still, i do.

i know everyone is trying to cheer me up but still im the one tat can cure myself other than him. i duno wat did he say he duno anything. i duno wat's happening. i duno wat's going to happen next. i duno wat to believe in. i duno wat's the truth. i duno wat's is lie. for the whole 6 mths, im living in a lie? i took so much effort and time to convince myself tat he is the one. i tried so hard to believe tat true love is there. are you the one i used to know? the one tat would do all the silliest thing coz of me? the one tat will make me smile and never made me cry? watever you blogged is a lie? or tis is a retribution for me to let you wait for so long? im left with a simple "dont know". and i dont know how to carry on from here? to forget? to wait? to accept the other?

i used to decide so much but now is *your turn. if *you can give me that ans, i respect watever *you decide on. be it, *you wan me to forget everything about *you or wait for *you. at least.. i need to know. im waiting for *your msg.

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:16 AM

Monday, January 23, 2006

Bethany Joy Lenz - Honestly

Honestly I didn’t mean to cry so hard the heartache was pouring in like rain
I didn’t mean to show I care
Honestly I didn’t mean to laugh so loud but it just sounds so absurd to say that you want me
Say that you need me after everything you’ve done

Really truly I didn’t mean to hurt you I just thought that maybe now
We’d have better luck the second time around
Its always better the second time I hear

Find me in the evening when your ready to dance
And I will take you to places where you never thought you'd have the chance to love
Love
Love is all we have
I will run myself in circles here without you

Please believe that I tried my best to forget you but the memories keep flooding back like tears
I didn’t mean to fall in love
But sitting here waiting for this is torture
I'm so glad you're far away
Is that a terrible thing to say?
Well, I wonder if you're ok

I would run myself in circles here without you
I've tried and tried
And I can't hide from your love
But I'll run in circles here, without you.

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:25 PM

15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special and unique.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

A Minute

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:24 PM

a simple "i dont know" hurt so much.

ever since dont know when, i keep wondering why am i being ignored. why am i being neglected. why. why. why. keep guessing, thinking, console myself. i always thought im the thinking too much. but he proved me wrong. im not thinking too much.

why did i fall when it's going to make me hurt?

why did it hurt so much den?

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:01 PM

Sunday, January 22, 2006

"Close your eyes and let your memories embrace you" In your past, (whether it be as a child, a certain relationship with someone or just a specific timeperiod) you found happiness. Now, however, you have lost it, and wish desperatly to go back and relive it all. Because you focus too much on what has already happened, you have a problem with the future and don't really wish to go there. You have mourned this loss for quite some time now, and are too used to it to let the familarity go. This situation is making you frustrated, because you can't do anything about it, but you remain unwilling to release your memories.

What is Your Phrase? [for darker people]

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:19 AM

Thursday, January 19, 2006

im not expecting everyone to be with me when i needed someone. im consider understanding as i know.. everyone has their stuff to do and might be too busy for me.

but.. at times.. it's tired to bear everything on my own. i dun lyk the feeling.. but who to turn to? the "expected" ones are not there..

at this point of time.. i wished for a shoulder to rely on.. but.... *you are too busy for me.

well... i think.. i will be strong enough to overcome it myself.

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:00 AM

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Extract from someone's blog:

That said..there are also ppl I purposely left out..coz during the time when I needed u the most..you disappeared. Busy is not an excuse..considered that everyone else is busy with their own lifes as well..but they took the effort to be there for me. Having a bf or gf is also not an excuse..coz if u noticed..many of my close friends are attached as well..n they too are humans.

People who I would really loved to have them been here for me? Charmaine..
Hope things will be different soon..

why did everyone "expect" someone to be by your side when you needed them so so much? before he/she "purposely" left out anyone.. did he/she turn to me when i needed him/her den?

well. let's say, be it you are just a normal friend of mine, i wouldnt expect you to be by my side when i need someone to talk to. since you regard me as such an "important" person of yours', den where are you now?

though im not in a situation tat bad as yours'. but im equally sad too. so... where are you den?

im not angry or whatsoever. i just dun like the way you "expect" me to appear when you needed me. busy is not an excuse.. ya. but how impt fyp is.. everyone shld noe. the effort my whole team put into this project.. is not what you can understand tat easily.

well said den. when i told you im stress over fyp, relationship and whatsoever... where are you? did you turn to me den?

before you say about others.. look at yourself first.

thank you!

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:37 PM

went for lesson this morning. hmmm.. still cant get the biting point. -_- lousy sia.. tml will have another lesson again. hopefully, i can get the tatic somewher ya. if not.. i will be stuck there forever. oh my!

i wan a new anklet. hmpf. i broke my anklet a few days ago. and im quite sad over it. coz i like the design alot and it holds a special meaning. coz 3 of us have the same anklet. i guess.. i cant find a same one le. - cries.

bumped into lao gong on the way to school. din have breakfast and lunch, so he brought me to eat before sending me to school. ate BK.. and as usual, i cant finish my food. i forced him to eat it for me.. ahaha.. but he just finish the fries and force me to finish my burger! -_-

and im just like a kid to him. wipe my mouth when the sauce 'stain' on my lips. drink my fav lemon tea when he like coke. make fun of me when i said i dun like to drink barley. take 111 with me even though mrt is a faster route to him. hold my hand while crossing the road knowing tat 'i duno how to cross the road'. hold me tight on train when he know i got no sense of balancing. haha.

thanks to him.. im not tat sad anymore. actually.. im feeling quite sad after my prac, but den he keep making fun of me. made me somehow feel better lor. and thanks to him.. i din get gastric pain today coz he forced me to eat. haha. it's really great to have someone tat know you so well and is a very good frenz of your. even though there's not much meeting up and gathering.. the bond is still there. =)

i love you lot.. my dearest lao gong. =) haha.

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:19 AM

when a girl is quiet and alone,
she is thinking of you.

when a girl is lying on her bed,
she is thinking why she loves you.

when a girl looks into your eyes,
she wants you to believe in everything she says.

when a girl said she is fine,
she is not; feeling hurt and unhappy.

when a girl said she is okie,
she is not okie at all.

when a girl keep asking you the same question,
she is wondering why you are lying.

when a girl hugs you while sleeping,
she is wishing that you belong to her forever.

when a girl calls you everyday,
she miss you and wants your attention.

when a girl wants to see you everyday,
She cares for you and she wants to know how are you today.

when a girl sends message to you everyday,
she wants you to know that she is fine.

when a girl says i love you,
she really means it.

when a girl says that she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you are her's mr right.

when a girl says "i miss you",
she wants to see you immediately.

dont be insensative with how girls' feel. though they never speak out, it doesnt mean you are not important to them. the more they say never mind, the more they mind.

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:07 AM

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

=忽然之间=

忽然之间天昏地暗
世界可以忽然什么都没有
我想起了你再想到自己
我为什么总在非常脆弱的时候怀念你
我明白太放不开你的爱太熟悉你的关怀
分不开想你算是安慰还是悲哀
而现在就算时针都停摆就算生命像尘埃
分不开我们也许反而更相信爱
如果这天地最终会消失
不想一路走来珍惜的回忆没有你

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:52 PM

im going on road tml. which made me somehow.. feel better.

phew. consider myself as i fast learner bah? ahaha.. but i think i still have problem with clutch and accelerator. argh! my legs are hard to control. haha.

carry on with my driving lesson tml morning. quite tiring actually. maybe due to not enough rest and slp.

went all the way to woodland for the last scene. ehm.. obviously, there's nothing much to shoot. we just anyhow. ANYHOW! let's see how i can edit it bah.

going back to sch tml for editing. feeling very tired. but i still can handle. =)

it's just some part of me... im tired.

it's a torture and no one understand.

i wish to understand. but im restricted to find out more.

i duno what you are thinking.. can you tell me?

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:14 AM

Monday, January 16, 2006

shopping at marina square!

weijie's cny clothes.

xiaowei's cny clothes.

maine's cny clothes.

a fruitful shopping trip 100106

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:22 PM

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

i passed my ftt. yeah! starting lesson soon. =)

on the way home, listening to 93.3fm. heard 音乐日记. begin to think a lot. am i similar to the girl who wrote in? will everything turn out to be just a dream? or am i thinking too much le?

我只希望你会比我快乐。
我更希望，你快乐的原因是。。我！

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:04 PM

Thursday, January 05, 2006

time to save money! there's too many of my bestie turning 21 this year, and it apply to me too.

therefore, it's time to save up for present!! -_-

im super ultra bored now! someone entertain me pls!

everyone busy with their life. no one is bothering about me. im being neglected.

mrs lim, gossip time?
aiai, meet up?
tania, gathering lei?
buddy, meet meet?
*you, when's exam ending?

aiyoyo.. BORED lei..

i had just been entertained by nicholas teo. and i think he bully me instead of entertaining me. he said im not pretty, which means ugly. alright! I NOE CAN! he said he is handsome and im so lucky tat i din eat my dinner if not i will be wasting the food. he wants me to intro girls to him and yet tell me tat he is shy. wat the hell? elephant skin lei.. ahaha.. wana noe girl still wana act shy.. lalala.. whahaha...

and now.. another nicholas entertaining me. ahaha.. his logic of being single made him lazy. he need someone to push him to study and work hard for his final year. so i gave him a *push, and now.. i *push harder! ahaha.. he wants me to marry him and become his lao po to push him. and i replied... he dun wan me. well, he said im the one tat dun wan him. and now... he asking me to consider about him. so.. pls queue up again. ahahaha.. the conversation above is just rubbish. reason behind: both are bored!

time to slp early. *yawnz

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:13 AM

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

my fossil watchie.

my minnie watchie.

bro-ey and me. - imm kfc

hmpf.

mei and me - in the train

blue-ish me!

wedding dinner.

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:56 PM

life still goes on.

everyday is a new day.

and a new day is a fresh start.

i hope everyone will be more positive in thinking.

i dun wish my friends to be unhappy or weeping anymore.

i cry for you.
i feel sad for you.

you be happy for me.
you smile for me.

ANGEL_scribbled * -5:59 PM

i just finish with PP presentation. hmm.. din do well for it. report was bad. presentation okie. overall average. lucky that fac pass me. phew!

declared mood: BAD

im in super bad mood for duno whatsoever reason. -_-

feel like eating ALOT ALOT.

salmon. sashimi. steak. rosti. mee pok. aiya, anything la.

oh no. i forgot my breakfast and lunch. i had fries during tea break only. no wonder i feel lyk eating so much. hiakz!

msg is getting lesser and lesser recently. hp is getting quieter and quieter. so.... throw my hp away! off it for long term. den no one can contact me. hurray! ahaha. siaoz! i think im a little bonker after the presentation la.

hmmm.. he's having exam now. and i... dun wish to disturb him. so nv even msg. =)

ANGEL_scribbled * -5:43 PM

Monday, January 02, 2006

my lunch after editing the video. salmon! yum yum.

tat's what rich student eat ma?

ahaha. opps. =x kidding.

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:22 PM

look at the time. i haven slp yet. just finished with my PP poster. overall, proud with my design! =)

mei is slping in my room today. and she accompanied me to finish doing the poster. sweetie baby sister i have. =D

ANGEL_scribbled * -7:28 AM

Sunday, January 01, 2006

2006

happy new year to all my beloved friends.

time for some new year resolutions.

1. greatest wish - slim down.
2. obtain good grades for final year.
3. industry standard for fyp
4. getting everything i want.
5. getting my driving license.
6. stay healthy. and not fall sick so often.
7. get a job soon when i graduate.
8. wish my darling to get well soon and stay healthy for the rest of the years!
9. wish my darling to grow fat!
10. hope 081006 would not be here so soon. hiakz!
11. becoming prettier. haha.
12. friends around me to get their happiness.
13. stop being stubborn.
14. becoming more understanding.
15. be more gentle. (impossible!)
16. world peace? ahaha.
17. stay away from sadness. no more crying.
18. more allowance.
19. more ang baos for cny.
20. mr right.

i know. im greedy. that's ALOT. ahaha. =x

so... help me fulfill ALL lor. heex.

ANGEL_scribbled * -7:37 PM