+ . . [ [ :: the angel in disguise

Monday, February 25, 2008

seriously. very tired. tired of crying. mentally tired.

looking thru all the post in our shared blog. looking thru her blog. be it, with one of us, give in a lot to each other and been thru too much le.

if it's so easy to forget... den i really got nth to say. i... gave in my best le. also did my best. im really.... tired le.

tired to the extend tat i dun wish to further carry on. drink, drunk, smoke. my life now.

sux right.

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:58 AM

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

too painful.. so decided to run away.

pain. really very pain.

ANGEL_scribbled * -5:38 AM

Friday, February 15, 2008

*you chosen the way you think it's right and leave me all alone behind. you felt that you are the right one and im the selfish one. im always the one in the wrong. someday, when you turn back, you'll regret for not holding on tight to my hand. someday, when you regret, i'll no longer be in the world for you to apologise. someday, when you know what is love, my heart had die to understand that. SOMEDAY. *

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:49 AM

i date my books for valentine day.

lesson all the way, ends only at 1030pm. forgot my lunch and dinner. headed home after school. forgot that im hungry. forgot that im tired. basically.. a zombie walking around.

tired. really wore out. mummy admit hospital on tue night and i took urgent leave on wed to take care of her. nv realise till than, my family is so important to me. Nv realise till than, i needed so much care, love and concern. well, i just need attention. i can nv be independent. so pls all godness... bless my dad and mum long life. bless my grandma too. losing my grandpa is hurtful enough. i dun wish to lose anyone else. yes. i lost my baby too. maybe i shall remove ~~'my'~~.

reason for not updating... coz my recent feeling since jun 07 is pathetic and sad. so i rather shut up. but apparently, shut up aint the best way to resolve thing. im just avioding the current problem im facing.

stubborn to put it across. i know im stubborn. unreasonable, spolit, demanding, sucks. all on me. im just..... unbearable. i lost the confidence in myself. which.. yes, sucks. sometimes i wonder am i kinda stupid to be so persistant. maybe im just the silly one instead.

no doubt on that. i dun wish to further explain. enough said. enough done. if you're sure that the love is so strong.. maybe you're right. but it might be just to me? not you? i said you can move on well.. you wana live your life without me.. which i respected your decision. not to reply me is your choice. not to bother abt me is your choice too.

i thought i was different. i thought i was a strong girl. but now, i admit im weak. i concede defeat.

i admit i rely on you. i admit you are my habit. i admit you the one still. i admit my smile is still your responsibilities. if the love gonna be so strong, guess the time had already proved. been 1 yr already. but well, the time to you had not proven.

i dun want to let you down. i dun want to lead you on. i dun want to hold you back from where you might belong. you no longer belong to me.....

so i've to be strong now. cannot msg you. cannot call you. cannot nag for you. cannot cry for you. cannot ask for you.

i'll take care of myself when im sick. when im having gastric. when im having cramp. when im feeling stress. when im feeling scared. when im feeling down. when im not feeling well. when im feeling sad. when i feel like crying. when im feeling excited. when im feeling happy. i will need to take care of all these myself.

to reverse it back. my last say that i love.
reverofevolnevaeh.
livedybab evol legnaybab.
ouyevoli.

sorry for everything. sorry for all the hurtful things i did. sorry for loving me till so miserable. sorry for forcing you to give up. sorry that you have to leave me. maybe you'll be better. im just not the one for you. it's too hurtful to love me and i apologise for the misery. thanks for being with me for the past 4 yrs. thanks for all the tolerating. thanks for making me learn and earn myself. thanks for all the hardship we been through. our lowest point of time make me learn to save. though quarrel alot but it's for your own good. thanks for making me learn. our best point of time make me cherish the moment we had. my best memories is on my bday with 99 blue roses and wonderful candelight dinner. my first fav purple rose from you. my first diamond necklace from you. my first diamond ring from you. my hello kitty collection. my clothes from you when you're doing shopping. though you cant really provide me with everything i wan, you'll alway do your best to get it for me. same as it goes, for all that i can afford, i will save the best just for you. i'll keep these memories with me. hope you really can live without my presence. hope the love can be so strong. all the best~

that's the only blessing i can give to you.

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:24 AM