+ . . [ [ :: the angel in disguise

Thursday, July 26, 2007

being loved.

though maybe different kind of love... im still being loved. =)

love being concern. love being taken care properly. love being nag. love being hugz. love the consoling. love being dote. love being loved. and this... all thanks to my lao gong, my bf no.1, my bf no.2 (MR SO), shikin, marilyn, darling mei and my bitch.

going JB tml... shall enjoy myself den. im in the mist of drying my hair now. going to slp le.. and no.2, dun nag me.. haha.. bleahx.

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:43 AM

Monday, July 23, 2007

not good enough. i guess.. im really not good enough.

be it, gf or lao po. still... not good enough.

haiz. pathetic maine.

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:17 PM

Monday, July 16, 2007

my last update... 10 july.

admit that im a bit old already. dun really quite remember wat happened after tat.

sick all the way. bad cough. bad throat. being nagged by dear and bf to drink more water and eat med. okie. and im so guai~ to listen to them. haha. dun allow me to eat fried food. dun allow me to eat more logzenes. okie. i listen. so im recovering though. =)

but than... i supposed to be updating happy event yet out of the sudden.. im feeling so damn pathetic again. really damn damn damn pathetic.

@#$%&*(*%^&*()($%^&*()*&^%$#$%^&*()*&^%$%^&*

mind me for that.. i guess.. just need to cool down a little. yet.. this lead me to NO MOOD to update anymore. pardon me for that. i need to learn to accept it right from the beginning..

sometimes.. life is just so unfair. when you really give all out to create miracle, disappointment keep showing up. when you really admit the love, the love choose to be hidden instead. afraid of changes, therefore, silence is the word. =)

i will choose to.... look ahead.. just live life to the fullest will do. well, no one knows what will happen in the future. Though not very promising future, I'll still try to work hard for it?

jia you den. cant help it.. but.. HAIZ!

ANGEL_scribbled * -8:53 PM

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

all the parties resulting my health to be desorted. sick again. sore throat. flu. fever. rest and need more rest.

part one.

labyrinth on thur. i brought shikin and mich there finally. of coz lao gong went too together with ah lian. fun and really had fun. lao da joined us much ltr. though drunk a lot, but i did not turn out to be a drama queen again. haha. =x playing bluff. playing pool. playing with bites. suffering now from blue black. ALL DEAR's fault.

part two.

meeting up with aiai on fri. took leave that day. to make the preparation for the surprise and also to meet up with my aiai. Had a heart to heart talk. goodness. we grown up so so so much. but yet, we went to take prints just like sec sch kids. haha. =x im looking forward for the next outing. missing her so much now.

part three.

after meeting with aiai, waited so paitiently at PS for lao gong and ah ma. waited for almost 1 hr plus and they finally APPEAR. I supposed to be angry and started scolding and throwing temper but with dear's hairstyle, i cant stop myself from laughing. haha.. super cute. but i dun really think it look nice though. =x out to wait for mal at starbucks. than walked to mr bean to meet up mich and the rest. hMMm.. yUm yUm.. love the seafood soup still. as usual, our gossiping session again. im feeling a little tired and due to ah ma had to work the next day, so dear, ah ma and i headed home.

part four.

supposed to be meeting at jurong point at 11am for dear's sec sch carnival but apparently, he over slept and left me waiting at jurong point. feeling cold and hungry. called him and finally woke up. so took a cab over to his place while he still need to get himself prepared. so... i waited again. so.. now i know, mixed sch and girl sch is so much different. and seriously, i felt so.. lucky to be in girl sch. haha. =x i dun see fights everywher in girl sch. i dun see guys in bloodly scene. hMMm..

part five.

after the carnival, bluff dear to go home and prepare himself than we will meet in the later evening. so.. he really believe and went home to prepare. ah ma and mal went home with me to take all the needed stuff. such as.. wine and champagne. my clothings. present. poker cards. bla bla. headed to meritus to set up the room. WAH. it's nice lor. really very nice. love the place alot. especially the bed and washroom. it's so near to perfect. =) i also like the place alot. moreover the room we got is a newly renovated room. NICE! had so so so much fun setting up the room. put all our stuff in and went out to get the cake and all that is needed. walked around taka like some auntie coz im wearing only a tee and short with a slipper and a pouch. haha. went back hotel earlier coz im running out of time to prepare myself. suppose to be meeting dear in town at 630 and by the time i went back to hotel, i only left 15mins to bath and dress up. so i rush and rush and waiting for him to call me. GUESS WHAT. pissed! he didnt call and when i called him at 7pm, HE HAD NOT LEFT HIS PLACE! really damn pissed. BUT, look upon it's his bday. I SHALL BE NICE and not to FLARE UP than. so while waiting for him, bf arrive and had some chat with ah ma and mal.

part six.

so.. the bday boy finally rush down after knowing that im ANGRY~. meet at cine and went for dinner. had suki sushi and talk so much. apparently, the converstaion is a little pathetic as im suppose to be bluffing him and not allowing him to think of anything concerning the surprise. in the end, the conversation so ended up being rather depressing. haha. went to took prints again. the 2 of us. being so retarded towards the machine. haha. but effect still aint' that bad though. he called ah ma as we are suppose to be meeting around 9+ and mal bluff him that they just woke up and will be coming down soon. this is when, you can see his facial expression changing to a little pissed and anger. so i hong him a little than asked me to join my frenz party at meritus for awhile. he agreed to it reluctantly as i told him it's my sec sch frenz party. haha. so, i dragged him up. knocked the door, no reply after 2mins or so.. he was still thinking that i got the wrong room. than... mal opened the door... dark in side. no lights.. he dun dare to go in. so i gave him a push... this is when bday song started and everyone is singing. of coz.. he was shocked but yet.. going to cry any moment.

thanks all to make everything such perfect. =) it's nice and all enjoyed!! weehee~~ hope he love all the present and surprises.

alright. i admit myself for not being a perfect nice gf. but i presented the best surprise to my darling lao gong. hopefully he really do enjoyed. =)

drink and got a little high again. of coz as usual, drama queen will appear. haha. guess.. i cried in the toilet which talking to ah ma. seriously, dun bear to end everything but apparently, i dun have any choice. i would rather choose to remain it this way and not allowing any changes to it. anyway, i might be leaving spore for good. be it, dun blame me for not leaving any contact. my strong front, would not last me for long. after all, im still the weak little one. haha.

part eight.

ktv-ing with ah ma and dear. sang the most no. of english songs from all my ktv session. haha. due to ah ma la~. something happened. guess wat? my dear lost the braclet i gave him. ahem. only realised it after the whole ktv session. apparently, he dun even know where he drop it. hmMMm.. not that it's very expensive but that's a present i gave it to him lei. eh... maybe he really cannot wear such stuff ya. haiz.

went over to his place. shower and meet my 2nd bf at mac. haha.. accompany him for his dinner and chat la~. stayed over at dear's place after that. KO-ed immediately when i lie on his bed. fell aslp after that till morning. than went home to continue my slp again.

super tired and feeling so sick. took my med and slp again.

beside that, i also shall bring everything to the end. i need to know what i want. i need to be clear about myself. no more confusion. cry hard. drunk enough. stand up and be me again.

all bcoz of love, it lead me to this stage. expectation brings on to disappointment. dun expect from me. i no longer wish to commit to the past relationship. too painful to bear. i cant take it anymore. the reason i stop replying is coz.. im really tired of explaining myself. i dun wan it to be a quarrel again. i duno how to continue either.

i had let go. i hope you too.
im not a good gf. everyone knows. ALONE. i will go on.

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:46 AM

Friday, July 06, 2007

i recall myself being sober yest. YES! im still not a drama queen. be it, i had fun out of my stress-ness and trouble and problem!!

who's there? as usual.
lao gong.
shikin.
mel.
mich.
ah lian.

and my dearest LAO DA came too~

had a lot of fun though. 5-10 is fun. dice is fun. drink. bites. =) as i predict last night, i really have a lot of blue blacks now. all thanks to my dear man! bite until so hard. -_- damn pain can~ and it's all around. i'll make sure you get it from me LATER!!

count myself lucky to have my beloved friends who love me for who i am. not asking much for me to change. i have my temper and attitude but yet, they never once complain much over it.

and bcoz of that, i will pull myself up. not to bring changes to this friendship that i cherish.

MY DARLING!! MEET ME SOON!! you and i aint just friendship anymore. tootz!! my darling sister. MISSING YOU TONS can~~! and where did my sunzi gone missing to? ahem. WAKE UP!! stop being busy la. i know you had been consistantly reading my blog. HEARD MY REQUEST. pls. grand my wish! the three dating together. =)

maybe since than, i refused to admit the fact.
maybe, i chosen to avoid it.
maybe like said, i only allow ONE.
maybe, maybe.

i never expecting myself to change anyone. the greatest expectation will brings the greatest disappointment. seriously, dun wish to be so disappointed again. maybe i shld be the one changing instead. just a little more time needed for it.

at times, cant help it but to feel pathetic. After much thoughts, i still felt that im xing fu de. throw away the depression. stay strong. im still the charmaine. with my family, lao gong, sisters, ladies, sunzi and frenz loving me. =) tears no more k? buck up~

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:55 PM

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

*wishlist

updating on my wishlist.

i hope lao gong will buy me a diamond bracelet. haha. i hope he can save and buy for me!!

i hope ling will buy me a new mp3. coz she bought one for herself and give one to john! i also want!!

i hope i can save up again to buy myself a diamond ring!!

i hope he can buy me kinder burneo when i need it!! my fossil watch no batt le. you wana bring it to repair?

i hope to have a new school bag for uni. eyeing on DKNY or COACH.

that's all for now first. im still hoping..

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:06 AM

starting afresh.

alright. simple? haha.

i just wan something simple. full of pictures. nvm~

basically.. they are ppl who i love. and i really put in my heart and soul to love them. be it, some of them had stepped out of my life.. i still wana say out loud...

I DID LOVE YOU. I DID CHERISH BEFORE.

but im always the one they chosen to let go and give up.

so.. i ended up being pathetic.

cry is useless. heartache is nth. no one felt the pain. still, i have to carry on with my life. =)

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:57 AM

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

dinner time.

waiting for a pig to wake up.

after shower with messy hair being blown by the fan.

on his bed. waiting for him to get dressed up.

he's happy coz my hair is nicely blown by his skill of hair dryer.

i know im nicely dressed up. stop bio-ing.

result in waiting for food. - bored.

im bored too.

it's just the beginning.

yum yum. he's eating my fav~!!

ichiban des~ MINE!

his teriyaki chicken set. (missing of rice, sashimi and soup)

my fav. KAJIKI sashimi.

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:02 AM

the ladies nite.

properly dressed!

US. the ladies.

lao da and lao er.

lao er and lao san.

lao da and lao san.

the 2 cuties.

da ge ge~ and xiao mei mei~

my drinking kaki~

chio bu mei qian and maine

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:52 AM

i blog something happy k? coz.. i realised how depressing my entries are. haha.

happening days. got into gastric flu for the past 2 days. SICK AND TIRED. MC for 2 days and went back to work for half day on sat.

believe in myself for being the most pathetic. i had a fruitful weekend. Even though it's only for that week, i still consider myself as xingfu de xiao nu ren.

all these, thanks lao gong for being there. thanks shikin darling. thanks bf ah dom. thanks mel. thanks mich mummy. bla bla.

thanks my ladies for the ladies nite. had fun at dbl O. muackz to lao da and lao san for trying to make me drunk. FAILED! im not the drama queen. =P

not to elaborate on the details. pictures show. =)

at my place. fetching me out~

bus stop. waiting for bus~

bf came too. wee~

trying to be naughty.

at shikin's place. after our shower.

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:15 AM

一样的天空。

爱我的那个你在那里?

我心里的他依然是你，可是你已经离我好远。

心情不好时，仍然希望你在身边。
想哭时，希望有你可以依靠。

后悔了。
傻傻的我还是放弃了被爱的资格。

受伤了。
陷进去了，失去了本来的自己。

等待着的爱情，依然只剩下等待。
开花结果的一天始终没到来。

幸福没了。
心里重要地位的那个‘他’，
不在疼爱我了。

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:00 AM

Sunday, July 01, 2007

what i had been through, enough.

it's the same old story and it repeat and repeat.

pushing all to my fault, it's okie. It's not that I don't need you to rely anymore. It's just that.. im too tired to do so.

who would not want to have someone to rely on? who will ever give up anything just that easily? who will ever give up the love?

love turns to rely. rely turns to companions. companion turns to possessive. round it up, where is the first element LOVE?

ended.

it's not due to NO LOVE, it ended. It's due to the feelings you had for me turns to possessive and taking for granted. I gave this r/s too many tries. I did my best to do it right and save it.

once again.. i didnt give it up. i just didnt choose to salvage it like how i used to do. i cant cry anymore. disappointment filled up my whole mind now. heart hurts like it never does. but... i choose to, carry on. without me, you will have someone better and waiting there for you. without you, i might lose someone to rely on. lose someone who cares a lot abt me. lose someone who loves me and understand me. but if im always the reason for your heartache, your tears and your fraustration, i would rather go.

im working towards my goal. my degree. my car. my saving. my career. at times, i might be lonely, but at least, i know what i have to look ahead for.

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:11 PM