+ . . [ [ :: the angel in disguise

Thursday, March 27, 2008

im really letting it go. really.
i really wana recover.
it's painful and too numb tat i could no longer cry.
i slap myself for asking too much.

accepting everything you told me to do. accepting this outcome you want us to become. im accepting it already. if im the source for stopping you to have your happiness, then forgo me too. im already staying strong. im already bearing the pain myself. WHY~ wana say those things to add on the pain? seeing me in pain.. you are very happy? seeing me being miserable.. you are content?

i duno if it's my one sided thinking. i jolly well know we are the most silly and most stupid people out there. i know you felt miserable too. i know you dun feel good too. i know.. and i can feel it. i know i aint the only one who feel hurt and pain. but wat else i can do for you? and wat else you can do for me? nth right? coz... you once said.. you are attached and there's nth else more you can do for me. coz of your decision. we need to keep this love inside, deep inside our heart.

i'll be happy for you to have found someone you love and love you.
since im the source of your not peaceful life, i will not reply you anymore. i will not sms. will not call.

im no longer the same.
I NEED TO RECOVER.

recovering in process.............................................

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:37 AM

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

remember the love. not the hurt.
remember the smile. not the pain.
remember the laugher. not the tears.
remember my good. not the bad.
remember you'll nv alone. coz im here.
remember to keep this love deep in our heart.
remember not to let anyone know.
remember im your baby forever.
remember im still your unreasonable princess.
remember im still the same me.
remember when you need me, you will know where to find me.
remember remember.

thankful for the endless pampering.
thankful for the tolerance.
thankful for giving in.
thankful for being there.
thankful for being the shoulder to cry on.
thankful for warming my heart.
lastly,
thankful for loving me.

contented. for once. coz of your love for the angel. =)

ANGEL_scribbled * -4:23 AM

Thursday, March 13, 2008

to heavenlove

looked thru our past, been thru too much with tears.

im glad you carried on happily without me. i'll also carry on well as you want me to.

you promised. im the last and only gal who you will love wholeheartedly. i believe in you that this will stay true. coz of this belief, i trust our bondage. i believe in our love. i believe in what i've been thru with you.

for all the hurts i brought to you, im sorry.
for all the hurts you brought to me, be sorry too.

just wana let you know. there's a lot of things i do.. is for you. but things din turn out well to be what it meant to be. it turn out sour instead. coz i din explain, you nv know. coz i din say, you din realise. i always thought there isnt a need to explain coz you will understand me. but seems that it's wrong. Due to not saying, misunderstanding piled up even more. we loved each other so much but due to love, there's more jealousy, uncertain, doubts and explaination. i cherish our heaven like you did before. and i really cherish the love you had for me.

it really hurt so much that day. from you, i never expect to hear.. 'i dun love you anymore.' really very painful. it's just like you're using a knife stab straight across my heart. i cried. im numb. im speechless. maybe it's true. maybe you just wished to push me away.

to you, maybe you felt that i din love you more than fox or soo guan. please understand. we been thru all ups and downs. at your lowest point, im there. at my higher point, you're there. we laughed together. cry together. stress together. tired together. worked hard together. survive for each other. i gave in a lot just like you gave in a lot to me too. i also gave up a lot for you. my tears for you can become ocean. my smile for you can become the reason of carrying on. nevertheless, you really affected me a lot. i never once thought that the love can be so strong to supercede my ex. i never once thought that the love can make me give up a very nice guy. coz of this heavenlove, we suffered so much but yet... it bring us happiness too. just to let you know, i love you more than the else two. believe it or not. bcoz of you, i trusted love again. bcoz of you, i grow up. bcoz of you, i attempt to change. bcoz of you, im alive again. bcoz of you, i felt pampered. bcoz of you, i felt xing fu.

this time... bcoz of you, bcoz of love, im not going to hurt us anymore. i wun say hurtful things. i wun pester you. i wun cry. i wun bother you. im leaving this love behind. deep in my heart.

choose to move on, need a lot of courage too. making a decision aint easy either. i trust that you know me, know what kind of person am i. i'll never make use of anybody to benefit myself. if you wana come back, you will come back. i dun need to do anything more to force you to come back.

i gave you up not coz of bu ai ni.
but coz you said this is the better choice for you.
love will stay in the heart of both. time will prove how strong this love is.

i carried on.
i can smile to you.
i can be happy for you that you found your xingfu.
i can still be there for you.
i'll still be your baby when you need me and no one else will take away the title of baby from you.
other than wishing you all the best.. really hope you will be happy always. =)

take care.

p.s
i xxxx you.
take care of your health.
pls see doc if really not feeling well.
eat med on time.
smoke less.
rest more. dun play a lot on mahjong.
save up for your future.
eat on time.
no matter how busy, dun neglect gf.
work hard for whatever you want.
JIA yOu.

=)

truly,
` babyangel -

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:04 AM

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

i realised. im no longer that demanding.
i realised. i no longer anyhow throw temper.
i realised. i learned to give in.
i realised. i learned to appreciate more.
i realised. i learned to be content.
i realised. i grown up.

for all the realising..
i realised. i have to bury that love deep in my hurt.

love the meaning of giving up in - 鬥牛要不要.

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:29 AM

im bleeding inside.
numb. painful. dead.

how to believe in love? how to believe in another person? how to?

my heart pronounced dead.

i no longer know how to love. no longer know how to give other a chance. no longer know how to accept another person to step into my life.

im really happy now and same to be used to my life now.
but how... to put away the fear. how to put away the pain. how to believe in another her.

i duno.

was that really a wrong choice 5 yrs ago...?
was that you who really wish to love me truly?

will you be the one not hurting me anymore?
will you be the one healing my broken shattered heart?
will you be the one giving the best to me?
will you be the one brighten me with smile?
will you be the one....
the one... replaced the previous one...
love me for who i am?

i know running away is wrong...
but...
i still cant figure the way to face it.

will you be the one... letting me believe again?

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:12 AM