+ . . [ [ :: the angel in disguise

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

a new lappy

I WAN A NEW LAPPY!! i dont care.. I WAN A NEW LAPPY!! sob sob..

been going to a place where we went once.. feeling a little weird whenever i step in.. but.. i still spent a lot of time there.. the path, we walk together before. the way, we tease each other. the vcd, that you were about to buy for me but i stop you. your english is not good, i will correct you. your chinese is not good, i will teach you. haha. so... reading storybook helps in improving english ma?

sit at a side quietly. be it, recalling those time or reading some storybook. my mind just cant rest. and the image of you keep appearing in my mind. i wonder, orchard is so big, den why din i bump into you? even if one day, i bump into you.. how will i react den? therefore, final conclusion... i dont know.

a book to recommend.. 幸福，早知道就好！

maybe, i never realise how lucky am i before. maybe, im still immature enough to understand. maybe, im too stubborn to realise. maybe, maybe?

真正的爱是在你不需要另一个人的时候，
真爱才会发生。
在你完全的满足于自己，
不必依赖别人，
爱才有可能发生。
你不能需要别人来爱你，
也不能期待别人爱你，
发自内心地去爱一个人，
才算得上真正的爱。

a protected princess never realise how to love someone. but he.. made me learn. =)

等待也可以是一种甜蜜的过程。
等待着幸福的到来。

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:10 AM

Friday, February 24, 2006

230206 thursday

went to school for test in the morning and went off after test. actually.. im super, very tired in the morning.. but i still went for driving lesson.

haha. something to mention. after test, sombo and i went for breakfast at holland V. seems that he nv eat tat beehoon before.. keep saying it's nice nice nice. on the bus, he's just like some tourist, looking here and there as if he never see singapore before. den after tat, went back my place.. without washing his leg, he just lie on my bed without permission. JUST NOT PAI SEH lor.. apart from that, due to my air-con, weather and my bed, he fell asleep. pathetic. miss jane is another blur queen. take her own sweet time to come over.. leaving the 2 of us alone.. feeling super sleepy. but i got xy to chat with me, so.. hai hao la. haha.

after jane came over.. sombo challenge her to play blackjack. guess it's just not our luck for tat day ya. jane keep losing and as for me.. haha. no win or lose. =)

went to bbdc around 130, jane going to register and im going for lesson.. sombo... accompany us! haha. everything is done around 4+. and this indicate, he waited for us for 2 hours ++. and he forgot all about his lunch. only to realise he is hungry wen it's around evening time. haha.

in return, we accomanpy him to buy his shoe at orchard. travel all the way from bukit batok to orchard. kaoz. tiring. but with the 2 of them beside. FUN la. haha. example of why it's fun. jane talk until all the people in the train can hear her. making fun of the uncle tat fell aslp in front of us. sombo looking at his sms and smile to himself. fail to take pic of jane who attempt to fall aslp with the 2 of us around. quarrel to decide wher to go after buying shoe, ktv, bowling or pool. gossiping session. haha.. so on.... =)

final decision was marina square. went kbox to find out the price. quite ex sia. so we headed off for dinner first. food court at marina. jane and i were quite satisfied with the food, whereby sombo.. his food cost him about 10 bucks. the taste not very nice somemore. haha. keep complaining when he's eating. buay tahan. i tink the uncle cheat his money sia. =x

we played game to decide where to go. jane represent ktv. i represent bowling and sombo represent pool. i must emphasise.. JANE DUN HAVE LUCK! haha. in the end, i won. but the bowling alley was booked for some company event, therefore we got no choice but to play pool. -_- after pool was bowling, only to realise tat the whole place is not fully book lor.

after all the games, bought drinks and headed to esplanade. 2 gals and 1 guy sitting by the river side. just imagine that. FUNNY lor. haha. but seriously, im glad to have my hubby and wife beside me. im the most xing fu one. haha. talk alot. exchange alot of secrets also. though remind me of things and ppl i dun wish to think of in order not to be sad, but still.. we had a nice chat. maybe.. sometimes, when it's right, dun have to consider so much bah. hurt is a process of growing up.

reach home around 12.. super tired lor so i bath liao den fall aslp straight away.

so these are pictures taken for the outing.

on the train. ms jane and ms maine

ms maine and ms sombo. [kaoz. ugly me from this view]

this pic prove how much jane love acting cute.

the food tat cost $10!

we wana work there in future.

i like this pic. taken by ME!

ms jane and mr sombo

my wife. =)

my hubby. =)

night scenery by the river side.

my wife and my hubby.

i wonder why she look so shock.

actually still got a lot of pictures la.. but lazy to update. haha. wait till im free bah.. well.. going on a date with my dearest ms jane now.. weehee~

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:27 PM

a fruitful week ya. shall update on the happy events. =)

220206 wednesday.

fyp presentation. finally this day is over.

i would say.. it's a success. our supervisor and evaluator were quite satisfied with our work. hopefully an A pls. =)

reach sch around 9 on that day. had rehearsal after meiyun and meizhen reach sch. everyone got so nervous before going into the presentation room.

the process.

the team.
the "eldest" - mei zhen
our guan yin ma - Jessica
our ang mei mei - mei yun
and still got me - maine

making up session
end of presentation - with our report and dvd.
finally fyp is over.
YEAH. - with our evaluator

the celebration.

a pity that gal wasnt able to join us in the celebration. we went ktv after presentation. sing from 2 to 7.. POWER right? haha.

our poor leg after walking from far east to cine with our HEELS.
jess trying to be funny. haha.
zhen and maine.

ke ai de zhen posing while she sing.
jess sing and zhen pose for her.
jess with the super "shuai" pose. haha.
they got too high while singing FIR's song.
end of the day.

it's really a super photo taking day. haha. and the siao char bo.. ME.. went around taking pictures in order to make my camera memory full. haha.

overall.. FUN FUN FUN.. and most of ALL.. FYP is OVER OVER OVER!! yeAh!

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:53 PM

Monday, February 20, 2006

Playing - 爱无力

最后我们分开了
虽然还是朋友
但做回朋友的情人
想摆脱关系不太容易

寂寞变成了习惯
习惯靠着孤单
想念该遗忘
不该在身旁
陪着我的每个夜晚

我只想对着天空轻轻的呼吸
寻找我最爱的人到底在哪里
在混乱中
翻箱倒柜寻找记忆

有一种爱的曾经住在我心里
陪伴我熬过多少的无声哭泣
不懂爱情
我的心如此无力

其实我很清醒
其实我很冷静
看着眼泪已握在手心

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:27 PM

Playing - 结束并不是我要的结果

Just read darling's blog. hmmm..

begin to think AGAIN~ why din he hold me back den? Flashing back all the fond memories, the happy times, the love i used to give too.. it's just a lie? it's just a trap that Im made to fall? or.. it's the true memories of us?

Girls alway have never ending tears. The more you dun wan to cry, the more.. tears will roll down itself. what kind of future i wan? what kind of guy i wana be with? what kind of gal im going to become?

If im still in secondary school.. death will be the only thing on my mind at this moment. Recalling the time.. taking the pen knife and slash myself. How childish it is. It also leave the scar that will be with me forever. I used to wonder.. why din you grab hold of me at that very moment? why din you confess to me at that point of time? why let me go? why dun snatch me back from my ex?

if i can turn back time.. i will continue to wait. if i can turn back time.. i will wait till you wun be shy anymore. if i can turn back time.. i wun be soft-hearted and accept my ex. if i can turn back time, i wun allow my ex to hurt me. if i can turn back time.. i dun wana contact only on special occasion. if i can turn back time.. i wana study hard to go into the same poly together. if i can turn back time.. i wun wait for you to ask me the question. if i can turn back time.. i dun wan you to be the one who will hurt me too.. if only... i can turn back time.

where's the one who said that he wun hurt me?
where's the one who love to tease me?
where's the one who wish so much to see me happy?
where's the one who wanna be my safety balt to prevent me from falling down?
where's the one who always remind me to hold on to the handle?
where's the one who miss my pinch?
where's the one who will miss me a lot?
where's the one who wana spend more time with me?
where's the one who wana pei me old?
where's the one who always get me the things i wan?
where's the one who dun wish to miss me another time?
where's the one who encourage me when i din do well for presentation?
where's the one who always get so worried about me if i never reply?
where's the one who wana be by my side no matter im sad or happy?
where's the one who will buy me chocolate when i need it?
where's the one who dun wana hurt me?
where's the one who wana be my shadow forever?
where's the one who like to look at my "cute face"?
where's the one who always drive me home?
where's the one who can hear what im saying?
where's the one who wana protect me?
where's the one who wana keep me accompany and see me smile everytime?
where's the one who wana send me home so that i wun feel lonely on the way back?

it's enough le.
im bearing more than wat i can bear le.
im tired le.
im running out of water to tear.

i feel lyk going back to secondary school time. where i think im young enough to think of death. coz it explain how im feeling now. SUICIDAL. childish isnt it? haha.

capturing my soul; deleting my life away.
deleted by you; rejected by the whole world.

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:59 PM

Playing - 不作你的朋友

school today as usual.

jane going to accompany me for my driving lesson on thursday. and she's going to register for her theory too.

presentation on wednesday. open for year 2 to sit in and listen to our presentation. Scary sia. But I believe my team and I are well prepared le. =) We will be doing our best for it ya. We are going to wear "uniform" for presentation. Trust me, our shirt is NICE!! haha.

im looking forward to our K session after presentation. Make it a photo taking day too. Im bringing camera. heex.

Serene - Seem like we are in the same situation, other that they are still by your side.. but.. mine.. is not by my side anymore. Well.. we need to move on. we need to hold on tight to each other. I will love you more. You will love me more hor? haha. thanks for being there all along.

Xy - thanks for your story which really enlighten me. haha. I know and understand the process of waiting is miserable. I also can understand how a person feeling can be numb. well.. let nature takes it course bah.. since i haven decide on what i should do now. haha. but with my character, i dont give up on my love one so easily. be it, im stubborn. be it, im stupid. be it, there's no point. but i just cant force myself to forgo everything and be myself again. But still... I will remain cheerful and be happy. Happily waiting.. or Happily carry on.. i havent decide yet.. haha. Time will heal everything bah. =)

Meizhen - Had fun on your firefly trip ma? haha. just like what jess said.. please make sure you go K with us on the 22nd Feb!! ahem ahem...

Jess - how's the genting trip? fun fun? haha. how i wish i can go too. can go and "tiao zheng xin qing". haiz.. Maybe it's time to let go.. it really hurt a lot.. but ya lor.. let it hurt for that moment is better than leaving the "thing" there and feel the hurt forever. though the scar will always remind me of this incident, i will learn from my lesson lor. i gotta depend on myself bah. haha.

Meiyun - ANG MEI MEI!! MOS on FRI!! pls start jio-ing ppl. haha. "liang", "liang liang", "liang liang liang"

Vanz - let's go MOS on fri and dance like our ang mei mei. 3 person with similar dance steps. that will be interesting. heex.

Nick "boy boy" - haha. he forced me to put that "boy boy" thingy. well, thanks for being there too. I know you tried all means to make me smile and stay cheerful. I really appreciate it a lot a lot. so.. from now on.. yaya.. like what you promise.. love me more. miss me more. haha.

aiyoyo.. so sian.... i wana go home~~ AH!!! haha.

我不要作你的朋友！

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:47 PM

Friday, February 17, 2006

xy wonderful story that "enlighten" me.

xy: Once upon a time, there lives a panda. this particular panda lives in the jungle aiming for a female companion since his teen years, he has taken aim on a over- protected princess. Unforuntaly, this princess, since over- protected, didnt take any action on this poor panda. Poor panda wait and wait. Like this, 7 years has passed. This panda must be miserable for his years of waiting, he decide to give up. So wat extra opportunity cost he GAVE up? He gave 7 years of waiting. when this waiting or his wait would come true. an outsider felt that this panda has been stupid but at the same time heartbroken on the other hand, this over- protected princess has take note of the panda sincerity and decided to accept him. when the panda decided to give up himself, the panda might think that he letting it go could be a noble act aftermore maybe tis panda got his own griefness that he doesnt want to share. If he dun wish to tell the princess, only god knows. But this selfish act might be useless and have hurt two hearts or maybe in the panda's mind, the orderal of waiting is over. so, wat is the morale of the story?

me: dun let a guy wait for too long?

xy: nope

me: waiting is miserable.

xy: nope. maybe?

me: panda is hurt too

xy: maybe.

xy: panda definitely is hurt or he probably dun feel anything cos he could be numb. NUMB IN THE CASE FOR waiting too long.

xy: well, the morale is, if this panda is unappreciative of the princess, deifintely is time for the princess to let go.

xy: its not going to be easy but the princess must definitely move on. Since so many of her fren n relative still care for her.

xy: the panda definitely live on peacefully, tts for sure.

xy: his motive of leaving the princess might be bcos he dun wanna get hurt in the end. But this self less act of his could have hurt more hearts.

me: but he hurt the princess deeply

xy: the process of waitin is terrible, so terrible that he is probably numb.

xy: the panda wish i believe is to wish the princess happiness.

me: but the princess happiness in his hand.

xy: beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, but happiness lies in the princess own hand. Even if the princess happiness is in the panda hand, i believe that panda has chosen not to destroy it but to return it to the princess to manage herself. To u, it might be your happiness in his hand but him?

xy: have the princess ever consider before? To him, it might just be a responsiblibity.

me: he choose to let go... in order to gain his own happiness and my happiness is just his responsiblity?

xy: nope. he could be tired of waiting le or he believe that your happiness could be managed by other prince even better

me: so it's my fault for lettin him wait

xy: nope.

me: but i dun wan other prince.

xy: he is willing to wait but in the end he give up. After some time, maybe he is really tired le. maybe he found another panda on his process of waiting. To the panda, he would definitely treasure what princess has given. Hope n shattered dreams before.

xy: i believe, well, when the princess decided to send a parcel to confirm her afflilation with the panda, the panda finally acknowlege it. He knew he could not run away from the princess anymore. He has chosen to let go. If the panda remains unchanged in his final decision, i believe the princess should not waste more time on him since he believe he has wasted quite a lot of his time on the princess and the panda could be unconvinced of the princess action or he has definitely gave up, gave up the HOPE OF WAITING.

xy: LET'S HOPE THE PANDA could live on peacefully and the panda wish of the princess being happy comes true

me: if now.. it's the princess turn to wait

xy: some time, in a male panda prospective of view, when a male decided to give up, something trememous must have triggered him to do that. Confusion, over- loading or even feel- less could be the reason, a male-panda ego.

me: the princess really have to let go?

xy: his pride in look in his happiness in a long 7 years wait could be humiliatin in his part. He could have been hurt or untouch once again. The final decision is still up to him. If the princess dare to take up a challenge of 7 years waiting for a panda without griefness n guarantee that this panda would come back one day, TRY ON.

xy: well, the panda has done his part and he has failed. The princess want to try. Aftemore, it is just a useless long wait.

me: it will be a useless wait ma?

xy: most prob. one might think how great love is. Well spoken. But at the end of the day, how many of us will find true love? and how many of us will really wait for a partner for many years?
xy: whether it is a fruitless act anot, in an outsider point of view, i believe the both parties has been in love, but is singled - love most of the time. Definitely this shall led to unhappiness love in the end.

xy: First love is sensenual. Seems to last forever but it only appear in the fairy - tale.

xy: The panda and princess is living in a realistic world, while studying, the panda could happily proceed with his activities whlie waiting for the princess to respond.

xy: one did not think, what if this panda found another happiness? Do you think that this panda is going to wait for the princess? Continue to wait, most prob, the panda didnt manage to find any happiness.

xy: while on the other hand, this princess is too naive. Thinkin the wait could be longer and affectionate.

xy: the cute panda plus the naiveness of the princess might definitely be the cause of "THE LONG WAIT".

xy: 7 years might seems long, honurable long 7 years. But who knows what actually HAPPEN in the process of waiting?

xy: While the panda entertaining the princess, proceed with his studys. While this princess chosed just to be protected and that the outcome of the long wait, it is fruitless.

maybe i should not wait.
maybe i really dun understand how he feel.
maybe he's not the perfect one.
the perfect one should not run away.
maybe im the one at fault.
for not being understanding and let him suffer for so long.
maybe i should not cry anymore.
maybe i should really carry on.
maybe i should smile more.
maybe i shall just hide myself in one corner.

i wana be myself back. i wana be the cheerful maine who i used to be. i wana smile. i dun wana cry. i wana be happy. i dun wana be sad.

please.. find me back.

the reason of my smile is you.
the reason of my tears is you.
the scar in my heart is what you left behind.

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:25 AM

Thursday, February 16, 2006

dry my tears

Someone please..

dry my tears..

You love me but yet you don't know who am I. Im torn between this life I lead and where I stand. If you don't know who I am, just let me go.

I want someone to understand, to be there for me when i am feeling down. I dont like the feeling of insecurity...

girls alway wish for a whirlwind romance, with fairytale kind of ending. The prince will be together with the princess. But does all this sound realistic? I love to daydream... only in my dream, such romance occur, but realistically in the real world, love aint like that.

what am i scared of? the imperfect love that i might face? or the imperfect me that im going to show?

as known, im stubborn, bad tempered, princess like character, dont give in, dont give way, dont save up, dont behave, demanding, wild, playful. a girl like me, how will i have the courage to give anyone happiness? like I have mentioned before, or i just dont have confidence in myself?

nothing is perfect? but what if i just want it to be perfect? Sometime, life just doesnt go your way. and people will start to grumble why god is being so unfair to them. Life is not handed to you in a nice gift wrapped parcel with a lovely bow on top. You have to wrap it nicely and bring that lovely bow to add on it yourself.

Expectation brings Disappointment.

Comparing brings Sadness

Love brings Hate

Hate brings Forgive

Forgive brings Forget

and so it goes on.

why would people like to compare so much? what's so nice to compare? why would they compare their past with their present partner? or why they just love comparing?

What's love about? When you love someone, what's the defination of it? trust, patience, compromise, commitment, love, character? they are main factors in a relationship? how about communication then? if couple cant communicate, how will the relationship last? Without communication, constant miscommunication will happen which most often lead to quarrels on who's right and who's wrong.

the courtship period compared to the dating period.. why is it different? relationship need something interesting to spice up the love between 2 person. there's time for surprises. time for romance. time for fun. you cant just do nothing yet keep saying that you love him/her.

Sometimes when you finally have the person you love perhaps after a year of courtship or having a crush on that person you think thats the end. Relationships do break because parties think they are safe and that they do not need to do anything extra and just ride on the relationship wave, or that they are too busy for anything else, even for their own partners and they think its alright cause they assume that their partners will always be there. Some relationships even break because couples get bored with each other cause there's nothing there to spice up the relationship cause they think their love for each other is enough and they are waiting for each other to do something.

There's a need to show action to your partner in order to let them know that they are being loved by you. What matter is the thoughts that count.

A relationship takes two hands to clap and sometimes someone has to take the initiative first.

Dont suffocate him/her with your possessive behaviour. Giving each other some space and freedom. Having the mutual respect and trust are important. If you really dont wish to lose your love one, do learn to trust.

i suffocate him with my sensative behaviour. I pressurise him with my princess like stubborn character. I made him dislike me with my super bad attitude. Therefore.. i lose my love one.

ANGEL_scribbled * -4:50 PM

Key customer in my life.

Handling relationship with the "key customer" is the best thing to discuss about. The guy of my life. To be acurrate, I did not really handle the relationship well. In building up the relationship, I didn't bulid up the personal trust for him and we didn't really communicate well. I believe that, if given a chance to rebuild it again, I will really COMMUNICATE well with him.

Everything will have goes well with communication and trust between one another. I should know what is his needs, wants and motives. I will have to exceed the expectations of what he expect from me. Understand and know what is in his mind and
proper management of all interactions with him. All these have to go through communication. Through communication, I will get to understand more and realise more. At least, I will get to know what he expect from me and what he really wants and how he really feels.

To handle the relationship well, I will have to work out with him to agree on an actionable plan for things that we do. Even character wise or habit wise, if
there's any unhappiness over small matter, we should try to work it out and resolve it quickly before everything turn worse. I need to understand his stand on decision making. Communicate internally to identify what's he is unhappy about me and put myself in his shoe to understand how the feel from his perspective. Ask him questions on doubt that I am unclear off. At least, it will make me trust him more, being less sensative and be more secure in the relationship.

Proper management of a relationship?

haha.

ANGEL_scribbled * -4:24 PM

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

graduating in 3rd mar

cant believe it but im graduating soon. 3rd march. the last day of education in RP.

seems that i still prefer my year 1. no stress. no tears. no sadness. so what makes year 3 so special? a year full of stress. over fyp and over daily grade. a year full of sadness. over friends and over the special one. well... so...?

my result for this sem is not good enough for me to go spore unis. therefore, if i wana continue studying, i will have to.. go overseas. jie send me an email about the intake in aust. talk to mum about it and she thinks it's quite ex to go. but wat if i really wana go lei? at least, a new environment, a new start. i wun stay in spore and think so much. or shld i just start to work?

i often ask people to stop running away from reality. but i seem to find myself running away now. be it.... i just wana grab hold of myself. i dun wish to see myself apart.

this is the extent i can do. if there's no result, i really have to let go le. i noe everyone will be telling me, not worth, dun be sad, dun cry or watever but only i got the right to define is it worth or not. only i got the right to tell myself not to be sad and only i got the right not to cry. i think i did the stupiest thing sia. haiz. my eyes are so swollen now. pain~

i dont wana say goodbye. but i have to, even though it's against my heart.

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:51 AM

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

happy valentine day

happy valentine day to all couples out there. =)

at the same time, thx those who created a smile on my face today.

thx my darling for having lunch with me. haha. though is with one whole group of ppl.

thx xy for giving me the courage to do stupid thing. haha.

thx sombo for tat lovely blue rose. [like it alot] i thought you were just kidding and i still dun understand why you noe i lyk blue rose. haha.

thx baby for the lovely rose too. and the dinner. =)

thx those who wished me on this special day.

thx those who made my life more complete.

wish that special one happy valentine day.

i wish.. he will score well for exams. =)

well..

i appreciate every single things that everyone did for me.

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:58 PM

Monday, February 13, 2006

After reading the previous post of mine, I suppose i should be glad that there are people out there who would do the 15 points for me.

I suppose.. i should not cry anymore.
I suppose.. im not allowed to cry.
I suppose.. once i cry, many ppl will cry with me.
I suppose.. im still being cherish.
I suppose.. i have a happy family.
I suppose.. i have the most wonderful sisters.
I suppose.. he is still the special one in my heart.
I suppose.. i will have to take an entire life to forget him.
I suppose.. I suppose..

24th feb will be the graduation dinner and dance.. if i want you to go with me.. will you agree?

v day is a day meant for singles.. haha.

should i send out the vday gift i suppose to prepare?

went out with gal they all just now to pick vday gift.. and i still duno should i get it anot even though i know what to buy le.. and i dun tink he will be so delighted to know about that..

he made me... dun even have the courage to sms him, call him or email him.

he made me lose the confident that i suppose to have for myself.

so what if im attractive to whosoever? he's still not being attracted by me.

whatever~~!

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:24 PM

Sunday, February 12, 2006

15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special and unique.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

ANGEL_scribbled * -9:59 PM

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Playing - 我不难过

im tired le. really very very tired le.

tired to the extent that i sleep while im k-ing. i sleep when i board the bus. sleep in the car. sleep in the train.

went for 3D workshop in the morning. taught those year 2 3D. haha. kenneth said that im a very fierce teacher. be it, i might look fierce, but im not fierce at all lor. =x ahem.

go off around 11+, rush all the way to bbdc for prac. was a little late. was on road for the whole lesson lor.. interesting. i drive pass lot 1, jurong east central, my house, bukit panjang, west mall. haha. fun ar? the first time i felt tat my leg is aching for holding on to the clutch for traffic light. -_- imagine TP have so many traffic light... oh my.. dun wish to imagine anymore. argh.

im sick.

running high fever now.. 39 degree, and that's why i cant slp. im really very tired le. very very very tired. how?

i think i need a doctor and i need injection. does they have any medication to stop my brain or mind from thinking? I DUN WANA THINK or FEEL.

sickening. why must i fall sick?

i beginning to hate myself. hate myself so so so much!

why am i not being perfect? duH~ coz everyone will tell me.. no one is perfect. but i yearn to be someone's perfect one.

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:23 AM

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

fyp stressness! im totally out of control today over fyp. scream, jump, fall down, hurt myself.. watever you name it.. i did it..... finally.. burn out the DVDs. but.. jess told me a bad news. ALL GOT ERROR!! what the hell!! after so many testing.. GOT ERROR!!!! HOW CAN!!! -_-

final week for FYP... and..... im turning mad soon!!

i shld felt happy when my friend told me.. she found the t-shirt i long wanted to buy.. but.. now... how? shld i get it or not? it's limited edition de. i search high and low for it for months le. getting help from frenz and relatives in hong kong and thailand... finally..... but... now.. i duno shld i get it or not... ARGH! irritating!

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:26 AM

Monday, February 06, 2006

Playing - 恶魔在身边

finished watching 恶魔在身边. the ending is so nice. i like. =)

i also have a devil by my side. haha. and thanks for being there all along. though i noe... you felt miserable too.

be glad that, im still a princess being protected by ppl who love me. thanks for those who encourage. thanks for those who wipe my tears away. thanks for those who attempt to make my life complete. thanks for those who bother about me. thanks for those who love me. be it, my family, friends, classmates or that someone, thank you. at least for once, you let me felt the love from you.

to gal: 我会很坚强的。I wouldn't let other's bio me de.. expect.. haha. you noe. =)

to jessica: my dearest guan yin ma. i might never get the fate that came back twice again le. i will continue to work hard for fyp. the final week to go le. everyone jia you wor. thanks for supporting me all these while.

to darling: 勇敢的追求自己所要的。though im not able to get whatever i want, at least.. i did try hard in the whole process. the result is disappointing, but i didn't let myself down.

to babyDevil: thanks for being by my side. i will find myself back de. i will stay strong. i wouldn't cry le. so.. dun be affected by me alright? i will be fine de. it's just that.. it's too sudden.. to pain for me to bear.. till now.. i dun even understand why. you are right. maybe not knowing so much will not be hurt more.

decided to go for RP bash on friday. hopefully it will be a fun and enjoyable one.. let's all get drunk k? haha. i wana get drunk! when a person is drunk... she wun think so much.

in the drama, there's these sentence that i like alot.

就算你会遇上别的人，
就算你想和他们交往，
就让我单恋你一辈子也无所谓。
因为我有预感，
我会一辈子，只喜欢你。

i might not like you for the rest of my life. i might not be able to wait till im 40 - 50 plus. i might not be the perfect gal you wished for. but i noe.. once i fall.. it will take me a long time to stand up again bah. it gonna be years? 7 years ma? ahem. haha.

keeping quiet.. running away... can i? i still wished to be protected.

well.. well.. the next drama to continue is 恶作剧之吻..

time for lesson le.

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:30 PM

Playing - 我还是依然爱你

you still don't wish to say.

don't wait represent the answer im expecting for ma?

still...

i wana hear it from you!

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:00 AM

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Playing - 我让你走了

i felt that im actually the silliest..

i wouldnt believe anymore.

i publish everything that i saved as draft previously. you brought me to this state. im losing myself.. and not becoming myself anymore. i dun want you to aviod me. i dun want you to block me in msn(if so). i dun want to sms you and no one reply. i dun want to cry. i dun want to run away from things that it's already so obvious. i dun want bluff myself by telling myself that you just need to cool down. i dun want to lie to myself that you are busy tat why you are not free for me. i dun want sorry from you. i dun want to be in the different world with you. i tried so hard in changing myself.. to become the one that is closer to you... and..... im really losing myself... becoming someone that i dun even recognise.

i cannot continue lyk tis anymore. i wana be myself. i wana smile, not cry. i wana play, not hide at home. i wana enjoy, not recall. i wana create my future, not indugle in the past.

we ran away from fate again.... till the day it will come back.. or it might be gone forever.

i doubt so.. the caption you deleted in friendster determine on everthing. i noe im not the one for you anymore. and ya.... i said, im not thick-skin or despo enough to cry and keep someone by my side. if so, it's not true love anymore.

i wan true love from you but....

if tat's your decision.. it mean you know what you are doing.

and i will.. respect it.

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:37 PM

Friday, February 03, 2006

Playing - 我会好好的

等待。。很痛苦。。
有很多话想说，可是却不知道从哪里开始说起。
拥有的回忆太多了，我再也隐瞒不了自己对你的思念。

你要逃避到什么时候？
那。。我们要继续你追我，我追你吗？

看着照片，听者音乐，读你写的信，还有你传的简讯，也不知道眼泪流了多久。我曾经认为自己会是你永远很重要的人，但我却好像离你越来越远了。

我有个预感。。我在你的心里的地位摇动了。
可能我已经不是你想要爱的人了。
可能我还不够完美。
可能我已经不是你最重要的人了。

你再也没问我最近怎样了？
你再也没传简讯问我吃了吗？
你再也不会说你想我。
你再也不会在乎谁在追求我。
你再也不会在乎我的感受。

眼泪有流完的那一天吗？

等待你的一个简讯。
等待你的一个答案。
等待你的一通电话。
等待有一天，我流出喜悦的眼泪。

我会好好的。。继续。。等待！

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:01 AM